


Autumn Is the Craziest Season

by aohataaa



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: College Life, Developing Friendships, F/M, Film Student Life, Fluff and Humor, Healthy senpai-kouhai relationships, Light-Hearted, Love Diagrams, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Romance, Rural Trip, Slice of Life, Trying to be functional while being in love, mutual love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-12-09 04:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20988674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aohataaa/pseuds/aohataaa
Summary: It all started with Yatake Kouji's dilemma and Haruki justhadto mention the 'G' word.Set after Volume 5/Chap 29. AkiHaru-centric, but also has everyone else.A (hopefully) de-stressing fic about what the university boys' lives are like, especially the two film major post-grads. A story about everyone being clumsy young adults drowning in their hectic student lives, while also having good laughs, mini-adventures, and a rollicking romance.





	1. Stanza 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- The place names used in the story are a mesh of fact and fiction.  
\- Some additional fictional support characters will pop up but only for a couple of chapters.  
\- No shade implied on any characters in this fic.  
\- This story is an afterthought of the post-confession chapter wherein Akihiko and Haruki's relationship is already in full bloom months after spring, picking up from what they've overcome from their past. While Akihiko is already making ways how to be a better person for his new boyfriend, Haruki continues showing new radiant sides of himself; that his kind personality isn't a vulnerability—it's his strength.  
\- Read with a light heart.  
\- 01/06/20: Edited.

Haruki

Late summer.

The season of light yukatas, beach trips, and romantic fireworks was finally drawing to a close. Arcades were now less populated with youths after school hours as students crammed to finish last-minute homework they had left undone during summer break. It was a humid 9 p.m. at Yumeri-ya's, a friendly pub where less popular izakayas lined the labyrinth of alleys in the neighborhood of Hachidori. After receiving a message during his substitute shift at Suzuran Café, Nakayama Haruki headed straight for the train station to arrive at a laid-back district for a meet-up at the particular drinking spot.

Yumeri-ya was unusually crowded, but Haruki didn't mind. He had a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach when he found his friend settled at a table scrolling through his phone with knitted brows. Haruki thought the lively atmosphere could help balance the seemingly dark contrast of his friend's foreboding energy.

After the second round of beer, Haruki's close upperclassman Yatake Kouji looked like he was in the middle of a quarter-life crisis as he waited for the alcohol to numb his cacophony of emotions. Somewhere outside, a nearby karaoke bar was playing a '90s super sentai song being sung off-tune; the perfect background music to his disarrayed thoughts.

"You don't look that happy," Haruki commented after Yatake explained his situation.

Both of them were tired from work, their shoulders slouched more than they should in front of their chilled drinks and food platters. It was a daunting task to participate in a famed film festival, and knowing Yatake as an organized and overall cool-headed person, it was moments like these when Haruki didn't mind taking a longer route home to lend an ear for his friend.

The upcoming Zenith Short Film Festival was an annual event where young filmmakers could present their proudest work. With a typical roster of 20-30 titles selected from hundreds of entries, it was a miraculous achievement for aspiring film production students to get a step ahead towards their dreams.

For ages, Haruki had been mentioning that Yatake's aesthetics were already several tiers above amateur level, but his friend still showed apprehension to even join their university's traditional art fair. It wasn't until six months ago that Haruki was an ecstatic fanboy upon discovering Yatake had applied for the lauded festival that he once thought as a pipe dream. At Yatake's job, his enthusiastic boss had instructed him and his fellow interns to submit an entry for the event, just to 'not waste any opportunities'. And now two seasons later, while everyone was buried in their fully-booked schedules, Yatake had recently learned his submission passed the preliminaries by some dumbfounding plot twist by the universe.

"I'm sooooo happy, Haruki," Yatake slurred, trying to pick the garnish off their half-empty meat platter with his chopsticks, but failing. "I'm sooo happy I want to _die_."

"They didn't select your work at random, Take-chan. Have more faith?" Haruki watched him fondly, secretly enjoying a cute whiny side to his typically composed friend.

Now that Yatake's pitch work was included for Zenith, he had the rest of the season to polish his short film. The final result would be viewed at the event itself, to be appreciated by students, enthusiasts, critics, and professionals alike. Haruki would be kidding himself if he were to tell Yatake that there was no pressure at all.

Haruki had watched plenty of his friends' projects over the past years, along with other pieces by his senpais and fellow students. Whether it was a weird instinct or magic intervention, Haruki could pick out Yatake's work even without waiting for the ending credits to roll in. The clever use of camera tricks and angles, the artful play of symmetry and asymmetry of subjects, straight-forward style of visual effects, seamless editing, and of course, the impeccable choices of sound and music; Haruki's first reaction was 'Finally! FINALLY!' now that his friend was taking part in the famous film event. A mix of excitement and relief happily bubbled in Haruki's system like opening a fresh bottle of soda, knowing that new people could see things in the mundane world through Yatake Kouji's aesthetically mesmerizing point of view.

"For a guy who wants to die, I can still see the cogs in your head turning," Haruki said knowingly before taking a bite of his own food. "You always come up with ideas fast."

A bitter expression formed on Yatake's face, gripping his beer glass like he wanted to break it with his bare hands. "I just submitted for the first deadline last week. And now I just need to look for my missing brain at the moment, thank you very much?!"

Haruki lightly chuckled, discovering he had guessed right. He set down his chopsticks methodically and folded his hands expectantly with a teasing grin. "Would thy comrade be in need of some aid from the cheerleading cavalry?"

Yatake playfully slapped Haruki's arm, and the other pretended to be in pain. "I just need to get the last half done by early next month so I can fit the post-production stuff by late September. And I still need two people for the reminisce scenes, especially a reliable leading lady!" he groaned.

"Heeeh, none at the theatre department to your liking?"

"The ones I asked were already booked, and the freshmen who approached were too er, baby-faced?…" Yatake paused, self-checking if he was still explaining things while sober. "N-Not that it's a bad thing, but I don't want to settle with just a random pick. Someone with a more… mature face?" He made weird shapes with hands, like trying to form the right words from thin air. "Somewhat stern at first glance, but actually has a nice personality… preferably with long hair for some wind drama."

Haruki couldn’t help give an unimpressed look. He pretended to contemplate deeply on the 'serious' dilemma for five seconds that already had an obvious answer. "You mean your girlfriend."

It took all of Yatake's willpower not to choke on his drink as a rare blush appeared on his face instantly.

"Huh? EH? EHHH?" Haruki looked at him, wide-eyed and confused. "BUT WHY."

"Because!" Yatake exclaimed defensively before he could think straight.

Haruki just stared back and blinked.

"Because it's going to be like a heart attack every time I look at her through the camera."

Haruki couldn't help cover his grinning mouth, lest he burst into loud peals of laughter. "Wait, wait. This is too adorable, I can't believe it," he fanboy-ed for his friend, fanning his face with his other hand while trying hard not to squee. 

Yatake didn't even bother hiding his flushed face anymore, his facial expression in a sarcastic 'Oh I'm not embarrassed. This is just the booze.'

"You said it yourself, you don't want to scout randomly for this one. Yayoi's already used to being in front of the camera since you've filmed her before, and she fits the description already," Haruki reasoned, resting his chin on his hand. "She'll take it as seriously as you do, especially when she knows how important this is for you."

Haruki knew his suggestion was bordering to cross a particular line, and wouldn't be surprised if his upperclassman would opt for another choice. There was an unspoken rule before for Yatake and his past girlfriends not to mix work and love life. But after observing the chemistry between Yatake and his current girlfriend for the past months, Haruki had been noticing not-so-hidden hints that his friend was slowly learning to revise his own rules. If there was any more support he could supply for Yatake and his new project, Uenoyama Yayoi was the best crazy answer.

"Aaaargh, I am digging my own grave tonight," Yatake deflated while sinking in his seat.

Haruki placed the last grilled meat on the other's plate, attempting to hide a giddy smile. "After Zenith."

"You know…" Yatake added as an after-thought. "If Yayoi is going to lead, she's going to need a partner she can work well with." He took his last bite of food contentedly, eyeing Haruki carefully with a sly grin. "Would be great if it's someone she already knows."

Haruki looked at him curiously with a small tilt of his head. "I see. Oookay?"

"The person needs to have a musical inclination, so someone who can play an instrument _well_. Ideally tall, badass-looking, with a similar face value with Yayoi," Yatake elaborated while Haruki made small nods to better absorb the information. "For example, someone who could play the violin?"

Haruki's heart skipped a beat and the tips of his ears suddenly felt warm as he finally realized who Yatake had in mind.

***

Akihiko

A few days later.

"Uenoyama-kun, you're going to have a permanent face like that one day," Sato Mafuyu paused mid-strum on his red Gibson while sitting on the floor, his left hand adjusting and re-adjusting along the guitar's fretboard to master shifting between four chords in rapid succession.

Beside him was Uenoyama Ritsuka who had been concentrating on arranging a new part for the bridge of their new song with his custom black telecaster. 

"Something's still missing," he muttered to himself in frustration.

"Uecchi, you're overthinking again," Haruki said worriedly while doing a left-arm stretch. He glanced at his black G-Shock to take note of the time, knowing the two schoolboys had a strict curfew of 10 p.m. "Let's polish up the second stanza up to the chorus then? Mafuyu can work on his timing right before the riff. Then we can wrap up tonight since you and Mafuyu have mid-terms coming up."  
Ritsuka's face soured at the word. 'Mid-terms'. "I'll have the bridge penned down by next practice," he said apologetically with a bow. "I already had a tune in my head before, but now there's this new one that I want to try… or maybe even combine with the first one…"

Haruki feigned a gasp. "An indecisive Ue-sama? What is this? Mafuyu, did we just enter another dimension?" 

"Hmm…" Mafuyu contemplated as though the answer was written on the studio ceiling. "Uenoyama-kun did seem distracted after we had dinner."

"Am not!" Ristuka intervened. "I just have a lot of ideas? At the moment? I think."

_ 'Inspired or distracted?'_ Kaji Akihiko thought. There he sat comfortably behind his drum set, idly watching his fellow band members exchange some light banter. It was around two hours earlier when the four-member band had a rare early dinner at the Shimokitazawa shopping district by Mafuyu's suggestion. They had passed by a young duo of street musicians playing at an open plaza before heading to the studio, and Akihiko noticed Ritsuka linger to watch them a bit before nearly missing the pedestrian light to cross the street. It was a catchy melody, Akihiko admitted, given the small crowd of passers-by that had paused to enjoy the light-hearted music with smiles of pleasant fascination. Uenoyama was usually focused when it came to brainstorming ideas, and being thrown off-kilter was rather new for everyone. Akihiko made sure to keep a mental note on their youngest member of the band.

"It's 8:40 p.m. now," Mafuyu's voice snapped Akihiko out of his musing.

"EH! No way!"

"Still enough for a few more rounds, yeah?" Haruki stretched his arms overhead and arched his back with a soft gratifying sigh. The hem of his low-neck shirt hiked up inevitably but didn't reach high enough to reveal any skin underneath. Akihiko felt like swallowing his own shoe afterward; dirt, gravel, and everything. _'Speaking of distractions…' _

At 9 p.m., the fledgling band wrapped up for the night, slinging their gear on their backs and ready to head home. The night was still young for Akihiko, still adjusting to his less occupied schedule than having various "evening jobs" on-call like before. It was a new revelation that he could allow himself to feel "less burdened" nowadays, spending time doing what he was passionate about. Spending time with people who appreciated him in return. Spending time with someone he loved and genuinely loved him back, no strings attached.

While waiting at the elevator, an unknown upperclassman called out to Haruki, who reciprocated the unexpected reaction.

"Ohh, senpai!"

Akihiko, Ritsuka, and Mafuyu all glanced at the anonymous man curiously.

"Just a quick chat, guys. I'll catch up in a bit!" Haruki said as he met with his senior colleague lounging at the bar counter with another band.

It wasn't new for Akihiko, or even for the two schoolboys for that matter, when random people call for Haruki's attention. Out of the four of them, Haruki had the most helpful social connections regarding their music pursuit as Given. Their first gig, their CAC application (which the latter three forgot), the opening act stint, even their current pre-debut status was thanks to Haruki's connection with another acquaintance. It was really a no-brainer to pick him as the bandleader; just one of the many respectable aspects of Nakayama Haruki that Akihiko had grown seriously in love with. One of the many aspects that Akihiko wanted to meet half-way with Haruki, which he knew he still had more to work on at his end.

***

Mafuyu

Current lobby, Rinky Dink Studio.

A light ding.

"Ue, the doors are open," Akihiko pointed to the elevator. Mafuyu noticed Ritsuka was lingering a bit again. Maybe about their mid-terms? He thought it was too early to make any conclusions, but a gut feeling gave him a wild hunch. He tugged at Ritsuka's shirt to guide him towards the elevator, earning a shy but hilarious yelp from the other teenager.

The evening breeze still had a faint scent of summer, barely cool enough to officially welcome a new season until the autumn equinox. Mafuyu was looking forward to wearing his favorite sweaters again when the weather finally begins to change to a milder temperature. He realized another season was ending and soon enough, all the leaves will fall. Another cold winter was approaching, but this time there was less melancholy in his heart and actually looking forward to what the following months had in store for Given.

"Crap, I haven't started on my world lit. composition yet and Itaya texted it's due tomorrow?! What the hell!" Ritsuka whined as they walked along the Shimokitazawa shopping street towards the train station. "Meh, I'll just copy from Ueki again."

Mafuyu shot him a disagreeing look. "We made a deal, remember?"

Sometimes it still felt surreal that he was in a band slated for an indie debut. But knowing that they were still finishing high school, it was a delicate predicament for them that Haruki and Akihiko didn't dare to overlook. After certain arrangements, their scout manager agreed to take things gradually for the band and allow them ample time and space to finish their studies before diving into the nitty-gritty business of things.

Though sometimes he and Ritsuka seemed to forget that the keyword of their golden opportunity was 'graduate'.

"…Right," Ritsuka acquiesced bashfully.

A car was passing by and Mafuyu took initiative to herd Ritsuka to the safer side of the street, an involuntary new habit for him ever since they started dating. "I'll let you copy from mine. We have different lit teachers anyway," he said with an unchanged expression on his face.

Ritsuka gave him a frazzled look. "You serious?"

"I scored higher in the previous finals," Mafuyu replied as-a-matter-of-factly, ignoring his boyfriend's stumped reaction. "Ah, and you bought me lunch thrice this week."

"W-Well, after you guys bought me that birthday gift, I couldn't help it, okay?" A shade of pink-tinted Ritsuka's cheeks.

Ah yes, the gift. The painstakingly searched, saved for, and secretly bought effect pedal that Ritsuka received on his name day courtesy of the joint effort of his three bandmates. It was an ideal model that Ritsuka found back in spring but Mafuyu, Haruki, and Akihiko couldn't find in any second-hand shop. After some prodding by his childhood friend Shizusumi, they were able to purchase the brand new item for a reduced price with the help of (a begrudging) Hiiragi. Though Mafuyu knew he'd have to save his allowance again, Ritsuka's adorable flustered reaction to the gift was definitely worth every yen.

"You've been practicing with it a lot too," Mafuyu said. "The distortment pedal."

"Distor_tion_," Ristuka corrected him fondly, giving Mafuyu's head a gentle pat. "I can't wait to use it live. It feels more satisfying, as odd as it sounds. You're going to have to learn how to get the hang of more than one effect pedal too if we're going to debut. I'll guide you through it."

Mafuyu felt a natural tug at the corner of his lips and a fuzzy warmth that wasn't because of the humid breeze. He gazed at Ritsuka's profile with a content smile and a soft reply.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Debut. The word rang in Mafuyu's head. Working on new content that night at the studio, Mafuyu had a feeling Ritsuka was attempting to get ahead out of excitement for their new band venture but was more on overwhelming himself than anything else. He noticed how Ritsuka had a faraway look when they were walking to the studio earlier that night, and even by the elevator when they were leaving. Something was muddling Ritsuka's focus recently and the thought continuously ate at Mafuyu's conscience. He recalled how the other teen watched Haruki exchange small pleasantries with another band at the studio lobby that evening and took it as a tricky hint.

"Uenoyama-kun, about working on the new song. Do you want to try something different this time?" 


	2. Stanza 2

Haruki  
A week later.

The hour of dusk was earlier now thanks to the seasonal equinox, coloring the sky indigo as early as 5:20 p.m. with a couple of visible stars hiding behind some gray clouds. Seated on an outdoor lounge chair with a mug of tea at his side, Haruki adjusted his earphones and hit the 'Play' button on his tablet. He was reviewing a music video Yatake had filmed a year ago at an amusement park to take note of some visual effects he was currently studying. The lighting at Yatake's veranda honestly wasn't ideal for his eyes to watch on a bright iPad screen, but Haruki felt easier to slip into his "zone" and brainstorm in an open-air environment. He had just finished sketching some key visuals he saw vividly in his head and now wanted to flesh out some technical ideas for his project.

Inside the apartment, Yatake was parked at the kitchen counter on a bar stool, proofreading his screenplay for the Zenith festival. The two friends hardly talked, sitting in comfortable silence as the sky gradually changed to black. After finishing the music video thrice, Haruki decided to give his suffering visual acuity some rest and moved indoors.

"Take-chan, how on earth did you manage to edit this in one sitting?" he asked, finding his friend completely engrossed in his phone. Haruki would have thought Yatake was typing an important email, except the perky sound effects and a familiar pop song he was hearing made him think otherwise. "Heeeey. I thought you were seriously working, geez!"

"Break time. Cleared level 30, yo!" Yatake enthused, showing him the achievement in his new favorite rhythm game.

"Ahhh," Haruki groaned, stuffing his notebook and tablet in his bag by the sofa. "You make this look so easy, I want to kick you right now."

It was Haruki's turn to have mixed emotions that week. After having his thesis concept approved, Haruki never would have expected to be thrown into the list of students to contribute for the autumn art fair held by their university. He was already helping in three other productions with his friends as part of the backdrop crew, and now a new project just plopped onto his lap with roughly a two-month deadline.

"At least you didn't pick 'death' as your theme?" Yatake said, getting a second can of beer from the fridge. Haruki had no idea how functional the other man was who had a busier schedule than him. He even had editing work at his intern job early the next day.

"Just thinking about the fair, I _feel_ like death already."

"It’s the feeling of _irony_!" Yatake said wittingly.

Haruki wanted to strangle him, but the upperclassman had a point. It was Haruki who kept coaxing the other to try for the art fair and it all re-routed back to him. Haruki grabbed the nearest throw pillow he could reach and threw it at his friend's head. Yatake ducked easily, sputtering in laughter. "I couldn't even fathom the moment when sensei bought it up. And I couldn't say no! Did you hear some overseas alumni will be watching this year?!"

Haruki envisioned his schedule for the following months and already felt queasy. He began thinking if he could get clones of himself before he went insane.

"Don't you dare back out. It's written all over your face," Yatake reminded him with the throw pillow he had just evaded. "Did you know sensei has only nominated four students ever in the entire fair's history? Usually, he just sits it out to let the other faculty pick. You, dear buddy, would be his _fifth_."

The sudden trivia caught Haruki off-guard. It was too overwhelming and he had to bury his embarrassed face in his hands. "You're buttering me up!"

Yatake pursed his lips tentatively with a pretend 'hmm' before his curt reply. "…Maybe."

"Eeeeh, you're just excited to film Yayoi," Haruki retorted. "Now that she finally has a leading ma~n."

"OY."

This time, it was Yatake who threw the pillow at Haruki's face. The other grabbed a second pillow to shield himself and the two wheezed heartily in the apartment, setting their pending tasks aside to clutch their stomachs and roll on the floor, letting their crazy realities sink in.

"He nearly backed out too, you know."

***

Haruki

Two days ago.

"HAH??" Akihiko exclaimed.

Haruki dropped the question to his boyfriend while they were walking towards the campus parking lot. He had a scheduled assistant job that late noon and Akihiko had volunteered to drive him to the filming location. "I don't want you to feel like I'm throwing you into a lion pit though," he added in awkward concern.

Akihiko's reaction was understandable for a number of reasons. After all the complicated things that had happened in the past year, Haruki also wondered if he had forgotten to screw on his head correctly when he got out of bed that morning. 

"Uh, your friend hates me? And I was the one who left Yayoi hanging back then? And now they're together. Is this a trick question??" Akihiko pointed at himself to further emphasize his point, a blend of confusion and disbelief plastered on his face.

Haruki settled on the car parking rails, stretching his legs a bit before the drive. The call-time for his job was 4:45 p.m. and it was only 3 p.m. Akihiko could easily get Haruki to the filming location in ten minutes on his motorbike.

"Right. 'Back then.' It's… not like before now, Akihiko."

Akihiko didn't sit down next to Haruki, but _crouched_ beside him instead. Haruki thought he might just be restless since he did wait an hour for the meeting to wrap-up. The older student locked eyes with his partner who was now at a slightly smaller height. "_We_ changed too," Haruki said gently with a small smile.

The sunlight that filtered through the trees behind them cast dancing lights and shadows on Akihiko's face, his piercings, his subtly green eyes. Haruki realized he had been having more situations of Akihiko looking upward at him instead of the opposite; a minute detail that seemed trivial, yet tugged shyly at his heart.

"Your friend who hates me, it was _his_ idea?"

Haruki's heart fluttered a bit, his boyfriend's face only one simple lean away from a forehead kiss. "Yeah," he answered almost softly. He understood it was hard to believe for Akihiko, and that fact alone made Haruki even more willing to allow the other for the film project. "So stop saying he hates you," he elbowed Akihiko's arm playfully.

"Ehhh. I'm still not convinced I'll make it back alive."

Haruki licked his lips to distract himself from giggling. "I've met the people Take-chan will be working with, you'll be in good hands. They won't… say, lock you in a trunk and sink it to the bottom of a lake or anything," he replied with a carefree wave of his hand. 

Akihiko stiffened like he saw a ghost pass by in front of him. "Shit, Haruki."

"Kidding! Just kidding!" The other tossed his head back for a mirthful laugh.

Teasing Akihiko was something new for Haruki nowadays, something he couldn't even attempt before they got together. The idea felt awkward back then, maybe even forced, like he was craving extra attention and clinging to hopeless fantasies that he could win Akihiko's heart. It was usually Akihiko who would initiate the teasing before, and Haruki would just follow through. Now he was able to come up with his own antics from time to time without even realizing it. His days with Akihiko now felt light, easy-going, like he could trip and not care if anyone jeered at him and pick himself right back up. Like being wrapped in the trust of a warm fleece blanket on a rainy autumn night, or excitedly jumping into a giant pile of leaves like a 6-year-old kid and just felt wonderfully alive.

Akihiko

If there was anything Akihiko didn't mind hearing on repeat aside from music, it was the sound of Haruki's laugh. A clear and bright ring similar to tinkling wind chimes to Akihiko's ears with a voice that made him think of standing in a shower of flower petals. Light, delicate, beautiful. He observed how Haruki's hair swayed in the afternoon breeze, soft wisps of honey-colored locks that easily turned gold in the sunlight. Akihiko secretly wished Haruki didn't have to work later that day and just spend the rest of the afternoon there in the parking lot, talking and laughing beside him.

Akihiko wasn't completely sold to the idea of being in the film shoot with his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. In fact, he wasn't sold to the idea of being filmed at all, period. Where in the world did this idea come from, anyway? What puzzled him even more, was how encouraging Haruki was for him to take it, that it was_ gosh darn,_ okay to work with Yayoi and Haruki's upperclassman who obviously despised him. …Were they drunk?

_ 'WE changed too.' _

The words echoed in Akihiko's head.

Haruki patted the car railing with a tender smile and Akihiko took the cue to sit beside his boyfriend. Now their height differences revealed which one was the real taller one between them; an insignificant detail for Haruki perhaps, but a new self-reminder to Akihiko that he saw himself differently next to the other man now. He wouldn't dare allow Haruki to feel smaller than him, especially when it came to his partner's ridiculously generous heart.

"I couldn't even hold a straight face during our A-sha, what more for this??" Akihiko reasoned, trying to sound convincing but 99% of himself said it was a failed attempt.

Haruki offered an open palm on his lap and Akihiko easily read what the gesture meant. "You'd be playing your violin for the most part. Well that's what Take-chan said. It's only for a few days since it's for a short flashback scene in the story," he explained, gently massaging Akihiko's hand in his' like trying to convey an encoded message into every curve, line, and callous on his fingers after years of playing his string instrument. "If it gets awkward, you can _definitely_ close your eyes. Then think of something to help concentrate on your music. There are actually no 'mistakes' when film shooting, just a lot of re-takes and clever editing, you know? Kind of like a cheat in a game. Only the audience thinks that nothing happened."

Akihiko continued to weigh his clashing thoughts. On one hand, he could still decline, as his cautious self reminded him he might as well jump on a hand grenade. After working on refurbishing himself for the past months from his old ways, the last thing Akihiko wanted was to stir new problems in his life and relationships. _Especially_ the relationships. Like trying to preserve a serene lake, it baffled Akihiko that his own boyfriend was putting stones in his hands and telling him_ it was okay_ to cast them into the calm water with great panache. Would he?

Haruki continued to rub lazy circles on Akihiko's palm with his thumbs, patiently waiting for the taller man's decision. Or if there was any decision at all.

_ 'Fuck.' _

Akihiko thought it would be better if Haruki arrived extra early at his job that noon, entwining their fingers and giving a brief kiss on the back of his boyfriend's hand. "I trust you too much it scares me a little," Akihiko finally said, getting up from his seat to hide his warming cheeks.

Even without looking, Akihiko could pretty much_ feel _that Haruki was smiling as they made their way to his parked Honda X4. "Yay. Lion pit, bottom of a lake, here I come. Goodbye, world."

Haruki adorably panicked a little as Akihiko handed him a helmet, and sure enough, the older student was blushing too.

"I SAID I WAS KIDDING!"

***

Akihiko

The following evening.

The wall clock in the studio room read 6:10 p.m. Akihiko watched his two younger bandmates compare their English notes while listening to an instrumental soundtrack on his earpods. As soon as Haruki arrived three minutes later, Akihiko inevitably learned that Mafuyu and Ritsuka were the types of people who preferred big announcements as the first line in their joint-agenda.

Similar to last summer when they revealed their new relationship at the crack of dawn, Mafuyu and Ritsuka also wasted no time in sharing an unexpected proposal before anyone could even mention the word 'dinner'. Unlike Haruki's confound reaction, Akihiko took it expectantly, more surprised that his gut instinct proved him right.

To unravel the mystery of Ritsuka's daze last week, the two boys carefully asked for permission to play with another band. It wasn't because they wanted some distance from Akihiko and Haruki, but rather to catch up to them in terms of connections and growth. Mafuyu explained his friend Hiiragi had already agreed to the idea (though Ritsuka showed a peeved face) and could do practice sessions with them at their separate studio.

"Thank you very much!" Ritsuka bowed a full 90-degrees to show his utmost gratitude.

"Thank you for allowing us, Kaji-san, Haruki-san."

"I nearly had a heart attack. You guys said it so seriously, at first I thought you two wanted to disband!" Haruki had a hand clutched over his chest, looking like he was close to tears.

Akihiko had to commend the two teens for coming up with a bold suggestion, and also for noticing something that ironically their band leader couldn't. "It's not uncommon, so rest easy. Bands do collabs all the time, sometimes to experiment with their music among other things."

Mafuyu's eyes sparkled. "Ohhh. 'Collab'," he repeated the new term to himself.

"And Mafuyu-chan can also experience a new environment. He might even learn a new trick or two!" Haruki enthused.

Ritsuka tried his best to not look too displeased, knowing the band belonged to the arrogant rebel Hiiragi Kashima; the winner of the CAC competition last year. "Tsk."

"Oh. Ue-sama got jealous." 

Haruki did a lady-like shocked impression. "Arara!"

Mafuyu wasn't even paying attention at the moment, trying to untangle an amplifier cable before plugging the other end to his guitar.

Knowing it was 3 against 1, Ritsuka knew winning was futile. "Okay, let's just practice now?!"

It was refreshing to feel cooler evenings by that time of the year. He and Haruki were walking pleasantly along Tama River under a waxing moon, hearing nearby crickets chirp their mating songs. Akihiko knew the streets and sidewalks would soon be covered in fallen leaves and people changing into warmer articles of clothing. Normally, he wasn't a sentimental person to even note the weather but the comfy presence of Haruki at his side made Akihiko think being a little sappy might be okay too. 

It was going to be a busy week for him and Haruki, further validating Mafuyu and Ritsuka's point. If he was going on a 4-day film shoot and Haruki also booked full until the weekend, it was reasonable to let the two schoolboys do some brainstorming of their own. Recalling Ritsuka's face at the studio lobby last week, Akihiko's hunches finally connected and felt like embracing the oblivious Haruki walking beside him. 

"Sometimes I don't know how and _where_ those two get their ideas from. I wasn't expecting that, were you?" Haruki looked at him intriguingly.

Akihiko mentally facepalmed. "Would you believe me if I said yes?"

"Heeeh?? So you're psychic now."

"I have Vision powers."

Haruki chortled. "Oh wooow, sure. I bet you'd look good in a skin-tight suit and billowy cape," he seethed. A plane was passing overhead and he watched it stream through the dark sky and disappear behind the skyscrapers of Shibuya. "Suddenly I feel like I should practice ten times harder now, or develop a new technique. Do you know this two-member British band made up of just a vocal-bassist and a drummer? The guy uses crazy effect pedals and plays his bass like a guitar! It's amazing!"

For 'new connections and musical growth', Ritsuka and Mafuyu had said. That was the final clue for Akihiko to piece things together. Remembering the couple of gigs Haruki had played as support for other bands and mingling with his numerous senpais, it was beyond puzzling for Akihiko to hear Haruki was feeling _less important_ to the band. _Again. _The thought of his partner being a soft-hearted and selfless human being was getting ridiculous for Akihiko to comprehend.

_ They got the idea from YOU, Haru.'_

"Are you having second thoughts?" Akihiko asked, trying to distract himself from ripping his hair out.

Haruki bit his bottom lip to quickly ponder. "At first I did. But then it hit me that it's actually a good sign. I do trust Mafuyu-chan and Uecchi about it. Aaaaand we already gave a thumbs up anyway," he said with a nervous laugh.

A boisterous pair of friends passed by them, each holding a tall crepe and Haruki couldn't help but stare for a bit. "Weird, I'm still a bit peckish."

_ 'He's been busier a lot lately,' _Akihiko immediately thought. Even if he didn't pry into Haruki's classes or work schedules, he can tell from the other's worn smile that things were getting hectic for his boyfriend that month. "Let's grab an after-dinner snack. I know a good place nearby," he supplied, then hesitated. "Wait, or do you already have somewhere else in mind?"

"Nope!" Haruki's face suddenly perked up with a new sparkle in his eyes. He jerked his head towards the rest of the road and added submissively, "Lead the way."

That gentle tone of Haruki's voice. It was secretly indulgent for Akihiko, like slowly pouring warm honey into his ears; smooth, sweet, and sinfully inviting. His brain was spewing trails of confetti and Akihiko wondered if he should brisk walk to control his heart-thumping thoughts. He truly, _honestly_, didn't consider himself a sentimental person, but clearly recalled when he was catching dragonflies along that same road last year and genuinely felt sheer bliss. He couldn't imagine how many pieces Haruki could still give from his gigantic heart.

_ 'When will you EVER be selfish?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The band Haruki was referring to is Royal Blood.  
\- TBC. Leaves will fall, but certainly not Kaji Akihiko.


	3. Stanza 3.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Imagine Aki's derp face for about half of the time in this two-part chapter, like when he's just watching/listening to others or rolling along with everyone. That's how new everything is to him lol. Of course, there will be slightly serious parts too.  
\- Also a bonus if you ship TakeYayoi being a cute new couple!

Akihiko

Early autumn.

Dusting off the dirt from his camel boots, Akihiko took a deep breath of the early morning air. The hour was 7 a.m., with typical freshmen students scurrying around the university campus to attend their first class of the day. Though not plenty of trees yet have started to change colors, the welcoming chill in the weather reminded Akihiko that autumn had officially begun.

Akihiko was at the open parking lot seated on the rails, earbuds playing jazzy lounge music that made him think of a café or a cup of freshly brewed joe he was craving badly at that moment (preferably served by a bartender named Nakayama Haruki). He was trying not to over-question why he was up at that hour with an average-sized duffel bag at his feet and his violin case resting on his lap, as a large white van pulled into the vicinity. The doors opened and two boys hopped out with a slight spring in their step. The red-haired male waved with a flashy grin and Akihiko returned the hand gesture awkwardly, while his companion in a loud print hoodie went to open the back of the van.

"Akihiko, You're here! That's great!" Maki enthused. "T-san messaged they're already walking in-campus. They'll be here in a few."

Maki's companion Tetsu checked himself on the side-view mirror and adjusted his cap.

"The girls plus Shinobu-kun should probably be on their way as well." He fished a couple of coins from his pocket and went to buy a beverage at a nearby vending machine. Just as he predicted, he caught sight of two girls dragging their luggage as they approached the open-air lot and signaled for their attention with an overhead wave. "We're over here, guys!"

Like sand piling up at the bottom glass of a sand clock, Akihiko felt an increasing weight in his chest, knowing he would be going out of his comfort zone as soon as he stepped into that van. The heavy feeling only worsened when he saw Haruki's friend 'Take-chan' and ex-girlfriend Yayoi arrive together (of course), and Akihiko wondered if he could make it back alive from this trip with all limbs still attached.

Yatake turned over the front page of a paper document and pushed up his square-framed eyeglasses. "Right. Quick itinerary run-down for today, even though it's already included in everyone's dossier. We have some fresh faces joining us for this shoot," he gestured kindly to the two sophomore girls, a half-foreign freshman, and Akihiko while the others gave small welcoming claps.

"…And don't want them to get the wrong impression that this is something to be nervous about," he eyed them with a knowing smirk.

The contrast of serious work and Yatake's easygoing nature was something Akihiko had to get used to.

The brown-haired girl Michiru gave a humble shake of her head out of politeness, while the taller girl Nao gave a curious look at Yatake. Even though all of them had already been introduced to each other at an izakaya meeting, the commanding bass of Yatake's voice still kept a sense of formality among the acquainted cast and crew.

"Aaaall righty. Expected time of arrival at Mifune—10 a.m. We unload, check equipment, settle in, rehearse scripts for scenes 1 and 2. By 12-ish, we head to Toukousaka neighborhood for the first set, have lunch, do test runs, and should be rolling camera by 2 p.m. since we're chasing daylight. Wrap-up is ideally around 6-6:30, then everyone can relax. By 9 p.m., everyone should be back at the inn for script rehearsal of scene 3 and ideally scene 4 if everyone's not too tired yet. We will call it a day no later than 10:30 p.m., and that's it for Day 1. Everyone good?"

The other seven students concurred.

Yatake checked his watch and cleared his throat. "And just for formalities, I know we've already been chatting with each other but just to be sure everyone's on the same page, a brief roll call starting with our cast; we have Uenoyama Yayoi playing as young Rena, Kaji Akihiko as young Hide, Michiru and Nao as Rena's childhood friends, and Shinobu as young Ryo." He then tucked away his document under one arm to gesture toward his two same-aged friends nearest to the van.

"Looking snazzy in his Guns N' Roses shirt is our lights and technical assistant Maki, to his right is our wardrobe and stylist fairy godfather Tetsu. Lastly, me—Yatake Kouji, I'll be handling… everything else. It's my pleasure to work with you guys for the next few days, let's get ready to hit the road."

Clear, simple, and succinct. Akihiko realized how focused Yatake was, compared to his casualness with Haruki or during the pub meeting. Not to mention this was the same bassist of Chashu Boys who loved cracking jokes to the audience at their gigs. They had not even left Tokyo yet and Akihiko already felt like he was standing in a different universe.

If someone else had asked Akihiko about joining the cast for the film project, he wouldn't have even batted an eyelash and went off on his merry way. But it was _Haruki_ who asked several days ago. No negotiation, no bargain, or even a single bait. Haruki just asked, if he wanted to, with an unspoken 'you can decline and it's okay' lingering in between his words. The answer was a simple yes or no, but between him and Haruki, it was a loaded question that could have a lot of nasty ugly repercussions… as far as Akihiko thought. Had he finally gone crazy? Remembering how gentle Haruki had asked him that afternoon, in that same place in fact, without a single drop of bitterness in his words or his voice, Akihiko just latched on to that minute detail and let the cosmos ridicule him for being such a sap.

Loading their things into the van, Akihiko found himself helping with the heavier baggage and equipment more than anyone else thanks to his well-built physique. He noticed Yayoi trying to load her luggage beside the other girls' but couldn't fit it well and just moved by instinct.

"Let me help with that."

Yayoi stepped aside to let Akihiko do the task. "Thanks," she replied. "Geh, is this really all our stuff? It's like a jungle in there."

"I have no idea how we're going to unload this later without someone getting hurt."

They both stared at the heap of stuff together goggle-eyed.

"You guys done over there? Michiru-chan and I are getting the window seats if you guys won't mi~nd!" Nao called out in a sing-song voice. 

Yayoi helped Akihiko pull down the trunk door with an assuring 'thud', a sound more like breaking ice to the tall man's ears.

Haruki's words echoed in his head.

_ 'It's not like before, Akihiko.'_

The engine hummed to life and Yayoi nodded to him with her default stern-yet-not-angry look. "Well then! Let's hit the road."

***

The scenery outside the window was slowly having fewer skyscrapers in Akihiko's view. The sky was a relaxing ocean blue with candy floss cirrus clouds that looked tempting to touch. A laidback vintage tune was playing on low volume on the radio, a country love song with lyrics about homesickness and pining. 

"Ahhh, I want a girlfriend maaaan," Tetsu whined in the passenger seat.

Beside him behind the wheel, Maki gave a sneer. "Maybe if you weren't too busy with work, eh?"

Tetsu gave a big pout and turned to face the two girls in the first row seats. "You guuuuuuys, tell Maki his reason is invalid!" 

"E-Ehhh?" Yayoi blushed, sitting in between window-side Michiru and a sleeping Yatake on earphones in the other. Akihiko noted how his drooping head tilted towards Yayoi's shoulder, while Yayoi herself discreetly tried to shift closer to catch him.

"No way, he's asleep already?!" Tetsu chuckled in disbelief. It was only 30 minutes into their drive after entering the main highway. Only the beginning of a 3-hour drive to the neighboring prefecture of Nagano.

"Why am I not surprised," Maki commented.

"Don't you guys go to mixers and stuff?" Nao asked in the back row seat.

"A couple of times before, yeah," Tetsu replied. "But I always couldn't get to the 'popular' table, you know? The girls were always draped over the cool ones like_ those two_ beside you over there," he bitterly regarded Akihiko and the idol-faced Shinobu seated next to Nao.

The two boys only stared back at Tetsu like deer caught in headlights.

"To be clear, I have only tried a mixer _once_," Shinobu admitted. "It just feels empty when you have… someone in mind already."

"Awww!" All three girls cooed in unison. Maki wheezed.

Tetsu wasn't satisfied at all. "Well how did _you_ meet your boyfriend, Nao?"

"Ahh, we started out as childhood friends. Then in high school, she confessed first and I was stumped because I also felt the same way."

"You mean 'he'?"

"No no, '_she'_," Nao corrected nicely.

"Ahh? Eh?" It took a couple of seconds for Tetsu to connect the dots until his face lit up in his eureka moment. "Ohhh! I GET IT NOW!"

They had a quick stop-over to fuel up for the long trip and to grab a quick breakfast at a nearby food district. It was only nearing 8 a.m. but the area was already abuzz with friendly and quirky locals. While Maki and Tetsu waited for their orders at a fast-food chain, Yatake was snapping photos of the girls posing next to a cute owl mascot statue at a nearby café. Even without fancy make-up or flashy outfits, Akihiko could tell the girls really did look naturally eye-catching together. The way they casually moved still had a certain grace, the way their eyes crinkled when they genuinely smiled, no wonder it was shutter click after shutter click for Yatake's DSLR camera like his life depended on it.

"Yayoi-chan, you're blushing! So cute!" Michiru said in her small voice.

Yatake stumbled for a bit and Akihiko internally snickered.

At the parked open van, Shinobu was sipping his latte quietly while browsing his phone. Akihiko posted himself next to him, leaning against the side of the vehicle, finally releasing his pent up laughter. When was the last time he honestly enjoyed watching two people so shy in love?

Akihiko learned that Shinobu listened to an array of music genres like him, explaining it helped him explore different emotions he could portray when he was performing on stage. Though he was a freshman in the theatre department with still more things to learn, it puzzled him that Yatake chose him to play a part for his short film project. For Akihiko, it was _even more_ baffling that Yatake had picked him for Hide's role; a random violin-playing dude who had zero acting experience. 

"I heard this badass English rock song on TV last month, and up to now I still can't figure out who the band is. I tried searching for the lyrics online but I suck at English and I just gave up. It was used as a BGM for this show, and uuuugh, it's so frustrating!" Shinobu tried to recall the lyrics and hum the tune but just laughed at how clumsy and off-tune it sounded.

"Maybe I've heard this before. Let me see…" Akihiko scrolled through his music playlist on his phone. "It sounded like this one," he offered an earbud to Shinobu.

"…Oh holy crap. It's the one! IT'S THE ONE! KAJI-SAN YOU'RE AMAZING! Hooooooly crap! I can't believe it!"

Akihiko couldn't help an ear-to-ear grin. "Ahh, touché."

"You really listen to a ton of stuff, huh? You're a real music connoisseur, Kaji-san! So it's by a British band! Ahh, the guitar is so cool," Shinobu gushed.

"It's a _bass_ guitar, actually."

"No way. NO WAY! There's no guitar in this?!"

"Nada. Just a bassist and a drummer."

"Uwaaa~ SO COOOL! Kaji-san, you're so cool!"

It suddenly dawned on Akihiko that he had not heard that word addressed to him in a long time. It sounded alien to him at that moment, but seeing Shinobu's sparkling eyes full of vigor and _gratitude_, it felt like his heart was being inflated slowly like a balloon.

_ 'If Haruki hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have known either.'_   


***

The Mifune Inn, as they arrived, turned out to be a quaint soba shop as well. Serving customers with its trademark buckwheat noodles on the first floor, the building also provided lodging in its second and third floors, giving the establishment a lively atmosphere for visitors and guests alike. It was a family-owned business handed down from several generations to Yatake's aunt; an eccentric lady with a youthful personality despite her retired age. She welcomed the filming crew warmly as they arrived, serving everyone small snacks and refreshments to help them settle in.

"My, this boy! He has green eyes, Kouji. How fascinating!" Yatake's aunt said in endearing awe. She leaned closer to Akihiko's face for a better look, while the other boys snorted and giggled.

"And such long _legs_. Why he's as tall as an acorn tree!" she enthused.

The boys finally cackled heartily, including the girls. Akihiko had never felt so awkward with an old lady before, but it wasn't a horrible feeling _at all_.

As per their itinerary, they unloaded their things on schedule and freshened up from their long journey. The young female Mifune staff secretly shared tinted cheeks and awkward poking behind Akihiko and Shinobu's backs, making Maki and Tetsu groan in annoyance.

"That sounds sooooo nice. Your boyfriend must soooo lucky," Tetsu remarked bitterly as he arranged the wardrobe rack carefully in the boys' quarters. Maki pretended not to hear anything while setting up his laptop for the busy day ahead.

"It's really the opposite," Akihiko said to Tetsu and Maki, and to himself as well. The two older boys looked at him with a curious blink. Akihiko realized he had just survived that 3-hour drive from Tokyo to a completely new landscape without feeling shunned or worse, left out. He just felt… like an accepted normal breathing 21-year-old guy, not someone hated or used. There was no suffocating feeling of being in the van with Yayoi and her new boyfriend, and even had all his limbs still attached to boot.

_ 'You'll be in good hands…'_ Haruki's voice echoed in his ears.

_ 'In truth, I'M the lucky one,' _

"Behold, our diva of the show!" Maki gestured dramatically to the fancy contraption inside the large train case resting in its foam casing. "Isn't she a beauty?"

Akihiko's first guess was a miniature four-propeller helicopter straight from a sci-fi movie, then finally understood what it was going to be used for. "I've never seen an actual drone camera this close before."

"Caaaptivating, isn't it?" Tetsu added in a sultry voice and a naughty wink. "T-san was lucky he got permission from our boss to use this. The pressure is ON, man!"

It was now past high noon in Toukousaka, a whimsical rural village known for its vibrant foliage during autumn. It wasn't a modern-looking neighborhood like the ones in Tokyo, but that was pretty much the only thing it lacked. Cobblestone paths, tiled roofs, and dark mahogany lacquered walls and panels; the humble village had an enchanting rustic beauty that perfectly harmonized with the changing colors of nature as its backdrop.

They had just finished a light lunch at a local market district by recommendation of Yatake's lively aunt, and now they were doing practice shots and getting ready for their first scene of the day.

Seated at a wooden stool, Akihiko watched as the other students busied themselves into the filming work that laid ahead while Tetsu expertly dabbed light moisturizer to his face and neck. Shinobu was rehearsing his lines in front of a full-body mirror, trying different facial expressions and body language, while Yayoi was having her wardrobe change. Michiru and Nao were discussing their script with Yatake under a tiled awning of a souvenir shop, while Maki was setting up the audio and lighting equipment at an efficient speed. Everyone was bustling around, serious yet comfortably casual in each other's company.

Akihiko immersed himself into the lively spectacle in front of him; this was Haruki's world as a film student. Outside his bassist role in Given, outside his bandleader duties and part-time job, this was the kind of environment Haruki worked in, day in and day out. It was a special space of different individuals jiving like different instruments in a band or orchestra, everyone knowing their cues and pieces to create a perfect bond of sound and soul in the form of harmonious music. No wonder Haruki had this magnetic appeal in his personality, how effortless it seemed for him to keep Given together as a band even if they ran into problems along the way. Haruki practically breathed and thrived in this meticulous yet highly collaborative world, and Akihiko couldn't help a tight feeling in his chest as the thoughts swirled in his head.

Akihiko wondered what Haruki looked like whenever he was working on a film project, what he looked like handling all sorts of equipment, or as the one directing an entire project himself. He imagined Haruki in Yatake's place as he watched the older man adjust his tripod camera or peer at Maki's computer, serious eyes with determined clarity in his work. What would Haruki look like if he was the one looking from behind that camera? And what would it feel like if that camera was directed at _Akihiko _himself, capturing every expression on his face and every movement of his body; every thought and emotion he could communicate to the person he loved with his entire being.

Akihiko suddenly craved looking at Haruki's eyes, those caramel brown orbs that looked back at his' with warmth and kindness. He felt a slight short of breath as he visualized that same Haruki filming him behind the camera lens, with a clearness in his eyes that said 'Look here, Akihiko. I'm here, I got you.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I have lost count how many times I typed 'Yaoi' and instead of 'Yayoi' and burst out laughing while writing this.  
\- The "vacation feel" middle part of his chapter was mainly inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTSnJdeTIpc) by The Wombats.


	4. Stanza 3.2

Akihiko

Toukousaka Village, same day.

The hour was 3 p.m. Everyone was silent except for Yayoi and Shinobu exchanging their lines in witty conversation in the roles of young Rena and her classmate Ryo. It was their third re-take of the scene, as the two kept getting into fits of clumsy situations with the props or with their own lines. Though it seemed frustrating to repeat the scene over and over until perfection, Yatake never once told them to 'get more serious' or 'do it properly this time.' He simply paused filming, re-gathered everyone's thoughts, and resumed work.

_ 'There are no mistakes, just a lot of clever editing, you know?'_ Akihiko remembered Haruki's words. He watched Yayoi and Shinobu deliver their lines again, this time more easily and held his breath as they neared the end of their dialogue.

"That's it, we got it!" Yatake called out, followed by the sound of a clapperboard 'clack!' by Tetsu to signal that the third take was a pass. Akihiko breathed out, while Michiru and Nao offered water bottles to Yayoi and Shinobu, both with expressions of joy and relief. As soon as Akihiko relaxed, his nerves tensed right back up when he heard Yatake's voice.

"Next, violin solo!"

There Akihiko stood in an open garden near a wide pond, the calm silence of nature soothing to his ears. The weight of his violin tucked under his chin was nothing new, his chosen piece he had played more than a dozen times. He had performed in front of large audiences before, even at that competition back in spring, doing it in front of seven people in a public location should be a piece of cake. 

The rest of the crew stood at a safe distance as they watched Akihiko's left hand dance gracefully across the neck of his violin, the other hand delicately moving his bow against the taught strings to produce smooth and entrancing notes. After a couple of moments, Akihiko noticed that Yatake and the others were staring wide-eyed at him, even Michiru, Nao, and Shinobu held a hand to their agape mouths. He paused mid-way, suddenly feeling the 'spotlight effect' and a strong thumping in his chest.

"Guys, that was just a warm-up!"

The sound of the clapperboard cued that the camera was finally recording for the real thing. Akihiko poised himself again to play, just like hundreds of times before, and weaved the beginning notes of Pablo de Sarasate's 'Romanza Andaluza'.

A flock of migratory birds was flying in the distance. A squirrel hiding in a bush skittered across the grass to climb up the trunk of a willow tree. A deep even breath. Akihiko's left fingers slid fluidly along the fretboard strings, taking hold of every sound it made and not the other way around; firm, bold, and commanding. Meanwhile, his right hand controlled the strumming of the bow like he was caressing a lover, allowing sweet hot friction between the strings like two mouths clashing in heated passion.

Akihiko closed his eyes.

Flashbacks of Haruki's face flooded his reverie, from the time of their first gig to that unplanned confession back in spring. That smile on Haruki's face bathed in stage lights, his oblivious glance at the camera in their first SNS pic, his hilarious reactions to Akihiko's weird random comments.

Akihiko continued to strum.

He recalled Haruki's serene features when he fell asleep exhausted on his apartment floor, his face as he watched from the audience during that violin competition. Even the view of Haruki's back was a comforting sight for Akihiko, whether he was admiring it from behind his drum set, or pretending to be asleep on the couch to watch Haruki make breakfast at his kitchenette.

He suddenly remembered one moment at his own apartment unit, when Haruki had to stay over due to stormy weather. His boyfriend was changing his shirt, his back turned to the open bathroom door and Akihiko had passed by upon happenstance. It was his first time seeing Haruki's bare back that it caught him dead in his tracks, staring in allure at the other's delicate waist and narrow hips that were hugged by a pair of fitted low-rise jeans. And there, at the small of his back, Akihiko had glimpsed a tiny faded birthmark that disappeared beneath the waistband of his underwear. Its shape was like a cherry blossom petal that looked dangerously irresistible to touch. Akihiko's mind _swam_ in the thought of feeling that skin in all its blemished perfection; to have his violin-calloused fingers gently trace that backbone, slide downward across lean muscles, all the way to the low valley where his partner's waist and hips meet.

And perhaps go even _further_…

Akihiko's breath hitched and felt like something kicked the back of his knees. He saw the puzzled faces of the crew, their expressions in utter bewilderment what had gone wrong for him to suddenly falter. His legs felt wobbly, his heart was beating a hundred miles per minute, and his body felt like he stood under the harsh summer heat.

Yatake blinked, almost forgetting his own words.

"Okay, CUT! Re-take!"

***

Taking a shower after a long productive day was one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. It usually meant that work was finally set aside for the night, and should be _left alone_ until the following day after some well-deserved rest. Yayoi, Michiru, and Nao were lazily spread out in their futons in their room, sharing funny clips on YouTube and gushing about the latest episode of their favorite rom-com drama. The atmosphere was laid-back and bubbly, the air smelled of fruits and flowers from their varied shampoos and lotions. Meanwhile, it was a different story in the boy's quarters.

At least the _majority_ of them were relaxing. Shinobu was reading a light novel while rolled on his stomach in his futon, while Tetsu was playing his favorite RPG app on his phone. Maki was laid on his side near a low table, watching impatiently as Yatake reviewed their recent footage at Toukousaka Village.

"If you're going to chew your lip any harder, it's going to bleed chesuschrist," Maki commented as he drummed his fingers on the tatami mat.

Yatake didn't budge from his seat, eyes glued to the screen as he 'studied' Yayoi's close-up shots in the video. "Shush. It means I'm _concentrating_."

Tetsu looked up from his phone. "T-san, blood."

"That's it. We're done. Now get off of my computer." Maki rolled Yatake away from the table, ignoring the other's disgruntled 'hnnngh??!!' until the man nearly collided with an unaware Shinobu.

Yatake ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Right. I'm going to get some air."

Maki didn't even look away from his computer. "Yes. That can work."

Akihiko was lounged at the balcony browsing his phone, in front of him laid the dark sapphire blue scenery of the sleeping Nagano landscape. The crescent moon was a tiny white sliver in the sky, like a mystical eye pupil that quietly watched over him. Ritsuka had posted in their LINE group earlier that evening; a quick snap from their collab session with the CAC band. It had Mafuyu stooped at a mic stand looking doe-eyed confused at the camera, while his bleached-haired friend Hiiragi in a 'YO BITCH' shirt was holding his guitar with an insouciant expression beside him. Hiiragi's face was motion-blurred, as the shutter clicked on him at mid-turn towards the drummer Shizusumi at the back. Shizusumi's eyes were half-closed in mid-blink, while a blurred forehead and mop of dark hair in the foreground served as Ritsuka's mere presence in the shot.

The pic was followed by a short message; 'The other shots are worse.'

Akihiko checked his Twitter notifications and saw Mafuyu had also updated their band's account with an artful snapshot of the sunset. The clouds were like a fan of fish scales across the pink and indigo sky, tainted with oranges and yellows from the setting sun. The neutral caption read 'Lovely golden skies.'

Akihiko marveled at how many things had happened to him in just a day and knowing how the two teenage boys had also made accomplishments of their own gave a warm feeling in his chest. He heard footsteps padding toward his direction, looked up from his phone, and found himself face-to-face with a tired-looking Yatake.

"Oh."

Akihiko tucked away his phone in the pocket of his bomber jacket. "Hi," he greeted, "Need a smoke?"

Yatake gave a tentative look as he joined Akihiko in the wide balcony. "I wasn't thinking about it, actually. Huh, I didn't notice that," he admitted frankly, "You?"

Akihiko shrugged, "Same."

"Maybe it's even better not to, for this trip. This place is so… ugh, _pure_," the older student said as he leaned against the wood railing to admire the calm evening view. The refreshing atmosphere of the rural town had a certain charm and healing effect to the two city boys, both men realized they hardly even thought of picking up their smoking habit.

"A nice filming location too," Akihiko added. He looked at the moon and wondered what Ritsuka and Mafuyu's session was like; what kind of music they played, how Ritsuka delved into the sound of his guitar, or how Mafuyu would come up with captivating words to express his heart.

"Was it overwhelming today? This is your first time on camera and all," Yatake asked casually.

Akihiko appreciated how mindful the question was. Something he wasn't expecting from a guy who had a not-so-decent impression of him. "It was awkward for a bit when we got to the village, everyone was moving around non-stop. Then I thought, it's just eight people. Not even ten. And I felt useful that I had a role in this."

"Useful? Oh man. Everyone was holding their breath when we were filming the violin solo. No one even dared to move! We were absolutely _floored_," the other man complimented him.

Akihiko had received similar forms of praise before, whether from teachers or fellow students. Even at a young age, as soon as he learned to play the violin, he was always surrounded by applauses and kind-hearted bravos, yet Yatake's comment weighed more comfortably in Akihiko's ears.

"Thanks."

"Maki practically had to snag my own laptop away from me, I just couldn't stop reviewing the footage afterward. It was really a god-send you were okay with this," Yatake paused and side-glanced at Akihiko with a smirk. "Aaah, I have to thank Haruki too."

A thought formed in Akihiko's head that several days ago, he had nearly declined to this job. Back then, he thought he had misheard Haruki at first, and even wondered if his boyfriend had gone insane. Yet here he was at the Mifune Inn in Nagano, having a decent civil chat with his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, who was also Akihiko's new boyfriend's best friend. A lot of the unpleasant messy expectations Akihiko had for this trip so far had been turning out to be quite the opposite, and he was astonished at the thought.

"I'm also thankful he asked. And most of all for allowing me for the role in the first place. Thank you too," Akihiko humbly regarded the other.

"Heh, Haruki said you freaked out."

"YEP."

"How about now?"

Akihiko mused, noticing he still had all his limbs and head in place. "…It's getting there."

"Haruki's been taking a lot of projects recently, and he's been getting more attention from his supervisors. It's like he swallowed a magic pill and just keeps having one new idea after another," the bespectacled man shared in kind nature. "He seems really inspired nowadays."

"Maybe it's from the band debut," Akihiko easily answered. An inspired Haruki is a good thing, and it _should_ be a good thing. Getting the hang of his work, his studies, Akihiko wouldn't dare hamper Haruki's growth as a person, but that also meant more for Akihiko to prove himself as well.

Yatake's head dropped like he had just lost at a bet. "Ah, right. There's that too. You're a decent one, behind that cocky face of yours."

It had never occurred to Akihiko that he would be tolerated by a diligent upperclassman like Yatake Kouji; a man he saw frequently around campus with always a determined stride in his walk, obvious he had an important agenda to attend to. A person who Haruki was particularly close to, given their common department and having known each other since early grad school. The well-composed friend who understood Haruki's quirks and work ethic, the same man who Haruki could confide to with his problems. Even if Haruki had never mentioned it to him, Akihiko was 100% sure Yatake also knew that he hurt his best friend before; a painful memory of events that was sure to leave a mental scar.

Akihiko told himself that if we wanted to make things work with his new relationship Haruki, he was going to need help from this exact person, even if it also meant putting his hand in a hornet's nest.

"Take-san, sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing."

They were only on Day 1 of filming, and Akihiko finally understood that if he wanted to be someone who could stand next to the person he loved, he would have to get through this job and do it _well_. 

"Hmm. You've been doing a lot, from what _I_ heard," he replied nonchalantly. "And after seeing you play this afternoon, that's hardly by goofing around." 

Akihiko recalled when he screwed up at the pond, and knew he had more violin-playing situations for the other scenes. "I don't want to screw this up. I'll never forgive myself if I screw this up."

Yatake's face softened. "You're doing what you're good at, or at least what makes you feel whole. And that's more than okay already." 

"At first I was expecting it to be nerve-wracking, seeing everyone making it look so easy like it's no big deal," Akihiko shyly scratched the back of his neck, slowly pushing aside the awkwardness that had been festering in his chest for a long time. "Then when I got there, it was… fun. I was honestly enjoying myself with the others."

Yatake comfortably propped himself by his elbows as he leaned back against the balcony railing. "That's normal, yeah? Daunting. Especially if you haven't thought about it seriously before. Then next thing you know, you're here," he gestured dramatically towards the boys' sleeping quarters. "I'm relieved you said you're having fun. That's how it _should_ be. Sure, it's also serious work, like you have to know when to say the right thing and when to keep quiet and stuff. Sometimes there's even a lot of crying and arguments, stuff falling apart, not having enough time, all that drama. Actually, _a lot_ of drama, from most of the stories I've heard. A-Ah, not to make you nervous or anything though."

"I'm trying not to, right now," Akihiko replied, weighing Yatake's sagely words in his head.

"How do you not look awkward when you're out there?"

The older student chuckled. "Oh you _will_. Seriously, everyone has an awkward angle of themselves! But of course, you learn how to show your best er…'parts' gradually. Some later than others, but it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Like a clean note had just been strummed on his violin, Akihiko felt a cascade of relief flow into his heart. "I want to do better."

A cheeky grin formed on Yatake's face. "Oho. How gallant."

"I'm going to play tomorrow and onwards like no one can stop me."

"Whe-hew! Well look at _you_."

Before Akihiko knew it, more words flowed out of his mouth faster than he could stop it. "Because I'm enjoying this now. With new friends, everyone. And I don't want to throw that all away." 

The upperclassman tossed his head back like he got hit by a truck and gave a satisfying wheeze. "Awww man, he's going to _fuh-lip_ if he hears you say that to him."

"Hah? He?"

"Eeeh?" Yatake turned to him, absolutely flummoxed. "…Haruki."

A beat.

"Oh shoot. Holy crap. I was referring to the filming stuff," Akihiko clarified to the other man. "I was talking about this job! THIS WHOLE THING WE'RE DOING, TAKE-SAN! _Your_ project for the festival! I-I… holy shit. Everything I just said, that was all… oh, fuck. Fuck. FUCK!"

Akihiko clapped a hand to his mouth in utter embarrassment while Yatake gave him reassuring pats on the back, shaking his head in mock sympathy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Double-meaning convo ftw.  
\- [The violin solo.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7nPb14ib0U)  
I challenge you. Try _not_ to fall in love with Aki while imagining him playing this piece… and then messing up right before the end.  
\- TBC.  
'Spring' meets a rainy night.


	5. Stanza 4

Haruki

Same afternoon, Tokyo

"Sit," Ritsuka commanded with a serious face. "_Sit._"

"Maybe sound more excited, Uecchi?"

Ritsuka scowled at the thought, while Mafuyu sighed in defeat.

"He's really not good at this, Haruki-san."

Mafuyu's small white Pomeranian 'Kedama' just wagged her curled tail happily at the treat in Ritsuka's hand, and only then he sat patiently to wait for his food.

"It's either chase-the-butterfly or slobber all over Haruki-san. That's all he knows," Ritsuka stated with a shrug like merely reporting the weather.

The two teen boys were at the park as per Haruki's request that noon after their classes in school. Haruki had asked Mafuyu a special favor to help him for a film project he had to work on with a tight deadline and threw in Ritsuka to the plan as a last-minute idea. By end of filming, the two boys had plans to meet up with the CAC band for their collab session in another studio, and hearing their agenda instantly put a smile on Haruki's face.

Imperfections. Or rather, _life's_ imperfections. That was Haruki's mantra that day. He had a bunch of other ideas to work on in his head, and this simple film shoot with the two schoolboys and their fluffy mutt was just one piece of the story concept he was slowly putting together like stitching a colorful quilt. It was the project that he would be contributing to the university art fair; a 30-minute short film of a boy and a girl strolling through a suburban neighborhood, observing the life around them, with a supernatural twist thrown into it. The gist seemed simple in writing, but after showing his drafts and storyboards to his advisers, Haruki got a thumbs up for approval. Now if only he had infinite free time and easily found the right strangers to approach who didn't mind being on camera, this project would have been a pleasure to make. Not to mention he had a tight deadline for next month.

"Hmm. Maybe 'sit' is too easy," Haruki thought. "Let's go with a trick that isn't too basic like 'sit' or 'stay'. Something that people can easily identify."

While Mafuyu mused, it didn't take long for the decisive Ritsuka to give a quick answer.

"Roll over."

Haruki snapped his fingers. "Bingo. Let's go with that."

"Kedama is just very… laid-back," Mafuyu said as he watched his dog pace around Haruki's tripod camera that stood idly at a distance. "He was never trained before, he doesn't know a single trick."

An excited smile formed on Haruki's lips, knowing that his plans for the film shoot were working out. He wanted to capture the two schoolboys just being themselves in that park that lazy early autumn afternoon. Being themselves as they worked their patience on Mafuyu's tiny dog, spending time with each other; as friends, as schoolmates, and if anyone could read between the lines, as young teens in love. 

Haruki brushed off the grass from his pants (from when Kedama had jumped on him earlier) and stood up to prepare for recording. He turned to Mafuyu, who had concern strewn on his naturally sleepy face, and gave a happy wink.

"Exactly."

***

The door chime at the café entrance rang to announce a new customer.

"Welcome." 

At his station by the counter, Haruki watched as a tall man strode into Suzuran Café that early evening. It wasn't his preferred working hour at the moment since it was originally his off-day (and his shifts were usually morning), but the lack of some staff that week led him to re-shuffle his schedule to make things work. At least his boss allowed him consecutive rest days for next week in return. 

The tall man took a seat at the bar counter and ordered a plain Americano, no side order of a pastry or even for milk and sugar. It was a standard order that immediately told Haruki, after serving it to hundreds of customers at Suzuran, that the man was waiting to meet someone at that hour and will soon just skedaddle. He had dark unruly hair swept to one side, sharp almond-shaped eyes that looked tired as he checked his phone and a well-defined jawline that looked sharp enough to cut glass. He wore a pair of tortoise eyeglasses that seemed more for fashion than poor eyesight, a smoke gray turtleneck topped with a blazer jacket, and the familiar rectangle-shaped bulge in his breast pocket told Haruki that the man was a smoker. Whoever the man was meeting up with, it wouldn't surprise Haruki if it was a woman in a fancy nightdress.

Some five or seven minutes passed and Haruki kept things in order with practiced ease. It was around 8 p.m. when another customer came in, and it took Haruki all of his mental powers not to spill the chilled tea he was pouring into a cup.

"There you are," the blazer jacket man said in relief.

The new customer sat right next to him at the bar counter, smelling of pine and leather. Murata Ugetsu was already an attractive face in photographs and on billboards, but he looked more breathtaking in real life.

"You know I'm not familiar with this area, and I bought my car," Ugetsu placed his key on the counter with a resounding chink in front of the other man's coffee cup. "_You're_ driving."

"Fine," the other man acquiesced with a smooth mature voice. "Did sensei give another long lecture?"

Ugestu gave a tired sigh and propped an elbow on the counter, his black tousled hair turning gold under an overhead light fixture. "More like sermon. Well, not to _me_, but to some freshmen about the new audition," he explained coolly. "Then he started rambling about the upcoming concert in Amsterdam and I just wanted the floor to swallow me up. I know he's ecstatic but I wish he kept it under 200 words or less."

"Hey, it's not a joke. The Tartini piece is literally like playing with the devil himself."

"Hmm. Then maybe I can magically be in two places at the same time?"

The blazer jacket man scoffed. "Sucks to be a favorite."

Ugetsu stuck out his tongue at him.

By the display case near the register, Haruki kept himself occupied with his tasks. It was a moderate crowd that night for a post-rush hour, the time when working people had already left their offices. Haruki was more used to the relaxed ambiance of the morning shift, when customers still wore fresh faces to the café, unlike the work-worn eyes or unsmiling mouths of the evening crowd. Haruki tried his darn best not to mind to the two attractive men chatting at the bar counter, just like he would with _any_ customer, but it was frustratingly easier said than done. Knowing it was Murata Ugetsu who sat there mere steps away from him, Haruki felt like he was in a parallel universe where he was watching himself from another person's body.

"Sensei is eyeing some peeps in the sophomore batch. And it's understandable why some are chickening out since they know they can't just replace _the _internationally acclaimed Murata Ugetsu as first chair violin," the blazer jacket man continued. 

Ugetsu puffed at his long bangs, ignoring his companion's teasing flattery.

"You're _under_estimating them," he replied sharply. "There are a lot of good ones out there. Sensei just has to pick out the right one." For a pretty face and being a successful musician at a young age, one could easily think the highly-coveted Ugetsu would develop a large ego, but hearing his words gave Haruki a second thought.

The young violinist noticed he wasn't wearing his own wristwatch and just easily leaned towards his partner's, a handsome gold Orient with leather straps, to check the time. The other man didn't even flinch at the closeness of Ugetsu's face to his own while in public, telling Haruki that the blazer jacket man is obviously not _just_ a friend.

"As for you, you have a Vivaldi piece to work on first," he said with a playful condescending face.

The blazer jacket man clicked his tongue and shoved Ugetsu's car key in his pocket. "Don't remind me. I can feel his spirit staring into my soul before I go to sleep—" he brought out his vibrating phone and checked the screen. "Ah, just a sec. Be right back," he told Ugestu and took the call outside the café.

If seeing Murata Ugetsu walk into the shop was already a bit awkward for Haruki earlier, the feeling became a lot worse at that moment. Haruki ran his mind through a dozen tasks in his head for anything he could do to distract himself from the uneasy thoughts.

Taking his time to replenish the spice jars near the siphon brewer, Haruki could tell from his peripheral that Ugetsu was vaguely looking in his direction. As much as he wanted to ignore it, what if the person needed something or wanted to order? Haruki took a small glance behind his shoulder just to make sure.

Though Ugetsu's bangs were in dire need of a trim, Haruki finally got himself a good look at the other man. Ugetsu's features could easily grace any form of visual media for sure and reel in any one's attention, and at first, Haruki thought he would have an attitude that went along with it. But noticing his simpler wardrobe unlike his partner's, his unkempt hair, the slight droopy shoulders, Hauki thought Ugetsu was also any 22-year-old music student just working on what he loved to do. He noted his half-lidded eyes could easily be mistaken as a judgmental stare, but it occurred to him that it could also mean Ugetsu was just exhausted after a long day, probably even sleepy, or just lost in his own head. The image even slightly reminded him of Mafuyu, an uncanny resemblance.

The door chime finally rang again, causing the two to break away from each other's gaze. Four girls entered the coffee shop, while Haruki internally panicked as he realized how insanely awkward that stare might have looked in other people's eyes.

To add more unsettling feelings to the situation, Haruki nearly forgot to greet the customers as he watched one of the girls shyly approach Ugetsu with small shuffling steps.

"Pardon us, um, hello," the girl greeted with a smile and a small wave. "If it's not too much of a bother… i-is it okay to take a picture with you, Murata-san?"

Another girl approached but also kept a safe distance from the wordless man. "We watched your performance in Barcelona last year for the holiday concert, they aired it on NHK. It. Was. Uh-mazing!"

"My mom was speechless! She bought your Blu-ray concert."

"I also follow your Instagram!"

"That's really kind of everyone," Ugetsu finally spoke. His mouth was curved up in a friendly smile, but Haruki easily saw there was no spark in his eyes. "Ahaha, I'm a little speechless myself."

The girls continued to spazz and gush over Ugetsu at the counter, even getting to shake his hand, but the air was tense and uncomfortable. Before Haruki knew it, he stepped away from his station and walked himself towards the small commotion. Towards Murata Ugetsu himself.

"Welcome to Suzuran! This way please," he finally said, just like he would to any customer. He proceeded to herd the girls to an empty table near the window where it displayed the vibrant city life under a cloudless sky. As he attended to their table, the girls still kept talking about Ugetsu, sharing each other's pictures with the handsome violinist and excitedly adding photo filters, most probably for posting to their social media accounts.

By the time Haruki turned to face the counter, he saw the bar empty and heard the door chime ring as it gently shut. After getting the girls' orders, Haruki excused himself politely to prepare their orders, internally relieved that he could easily breathe again. As he made his way back to his working station, the last thing on Haruki's mind was getting a simple tiny surprise.

On the bar counter was the empty coffee cup of the blazer jacket man, waiting for Haruki to be put away, and Suzuran's custom tissue napkin tucked underneath the saucer. On the thin wad of soft paper, Haruki read a short message written in beautiful cursive writing.

'Thank you'

***

Ping!

Haruki checked his new phone notification.

'I hate you.'

The brief message was followed by a waist shot of Yayoi looking straight at the camera but with a faraway look in her eyes, her long dark locks in dramatic sway in the light breeze, perfectly framing her face.

Haruki snorted.

'Looking good, Take-chan.'

It was now 11pm in his apartment. After coming home from his Suzuran shift, Haruki knew he could still squeeze in a few more work tasks before he hit the hay. He was reviewing the footage of the park film shoot earlier that day with Ritsuka, Mafuyu, and Kedama on his desktop PC, fresh from a satisfying quick shower. He was able to take around 2 hours-worth of footage and realized how little of the entire video would actually make it to his project.

'The two look so good together on-camera it's soooo annoying, but I love it'

'Kyaa~ ♥'

'And this is just Day 1.'

'It will be over before you know it.' Haruki could only imagine what Yatake and his film crew were up to that late evening and couldn't help a smile on his face.

'Btw, there are so many migrating birds around here, it's ridiculous.'

Haruki lightly chuckled. 'Be nice to them!'

By habit, his hand reached for the ashtray near his drawing tablet but paused. He realized he wasn't even remembering the need to smoke recently, a little amazed at the thought. Perhaps it was the fresh crisp autumn weather that had finally begun; the season of beautiful colors and bountiful harvests, layers of warm clothing and damp chilly mornings. He had a lot on his schedule up to the following month but found himself moving around with more clarity in his head. Haruki also thought he had just brushed his teeth and didn't want to do a second round later on.

He noticed his band's LINE group chat also had a new notification that he forgot to check and opened the app. It was by Ritsuka, with a pic of the collab session with the CAC band; a hilariously failed snapshot of him, Mafuyu, and the two CAC band members in a different studio, all in oblivious concern of the camera that was pointed in their direction. It was a horrible group photo and Haruki led out a hearty laugh in his apartment at Ristuka's adorable photographer effort.

On Twitter, he also found a recent update by Mafuyu; an aesthetic photo of the sunset, most probably from that same early evening. The smattering of clouds across the colorful sky looked like fish scales tinted in a regal shade of gold.

'Lovely golden skies,' Mafuyu added in the tweet.

Haruki smiled fondly.

Something felt familiar with the photo the more he admired it, a certain memory that Haruki tried to grasp in his head. It was the same season of autumn two years ago when he realized he had fallen head over heels for Kaji Akihiko. That same autumn when he first saw him from atop the film major department building; a tall and pale-haired 'bad boy'-looking student with a bruise on his cheekbone. It was also that certain period when he first spoke to him later on, in a sleepy lecture hall bathed in natural lighting, the side profile of Akihiko's face incredibly intimidating at first glance and Haruki found himself at a loss for words.

When Akihiko finally turned his head to face him then, Haruki instantly drowned in the other's faintly green eyes, an uncommon color for a Japanese trait that added more intrigue about the frustratingly attractive student. It felt like the world moved in slow-motion for Haruki, as he noticed the specks of sunlight reflected on the surface of Akihiko's eyes, accenting the concaves of his irises that looked like it had turned gold.

Lovely golden skies indeed.

Haruki snapped himself out of his reminisce and tried to get back to his work. He reviewed certain parts of the Kedama video, picking out the ideal scenes that he would include in his film, replaying and re-watching the endless cute interactions of Ritsuka and Mafuyu around a happy innocent dog. He couldn't feel any prouder for the two schoolboys for trying a joint-session with another band, feeling like a mother getting emotional over her fast-growing children. He wasn't even expecting to venture into pre-debut status as The Seasons with Akihiko and Ritsuka back when they had formed their humble instrumental band, and now as Given with Mafuyu as their official vocalist, it was heartwarming to see Ritsuka and Mafuyu take their musical growth seriously while enjoying themselves along the way. And _growing closer_ as well.

It was only then that Haruki noticed the filename of his project on his computer screen, a tentative 'untitled' label that ought to be renamed, and soon. He dug into his ideas like dipping his hand into a lottery box, hoping to pull out a jackpot coupon, but unfortunately came up with nothing. The hour was already past midnight and Haruki thought he had done what he could for the day. He wondered if he'll be able to come up with a proper title in his sleep, and finally seeing the comfy bed in his room and feeling the strain in his eyes, Haruki was more than willing to give that thought a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [Giuseppe Tartini's "Devil's Trill"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7rxl5KsPjs). An ovation-worthy live perf of this [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkX8YyA4Wp4&list=FLw-fJD2jp7pzz4HfnAdmq1w&index=3&t=0s). The last parts are iiiintense.  
\- Remember when Akihiko realized he had no friends in the manga?


	6. Stanza 5

Akihiko

Second night of filming.

Akihiko rolled over lazily on his stomach on his futon as he watched the music video Yatake had filmed for the CAC band last year on his phone. Not too far away from him was the busy man himself stationed at the low table, concentrating on his laptop as he sorted through his materials and created backup files of the footage they had filmed for the day. It was 9 p.m. and the boys' sleeping quarters were empty except for the two, comfortably minding their own business as they relaxed in each other's presence. The girls had invited Shinobu to their quarters for several rounds of Truth or Dare and Blind Man's Bluff; meanwhile, Maki and Tetsu were outside taking a smoke break.

After wrapping up work at 8 that evening, their itinerary allowed everyone to have more leisure time for the rest of the night. Yatake was pleased that they were able to film more smoothly that day, with the cast being more familiar with each other's chemistry and acting styles, getting them slightly ahead of their schedule.

Akihiko watched the MV, just to get an idea of what Yayoi looked like in an actual finished video clip, though she only appeared as an extra throughout the entire thing. There were a lot of shots taken of her from a distance or facing away from the camera, but her movements were always timely and graceful, like she could predict how the camera was going to film her. It was quite stunning to watch.

"Did you know Yayoi is also decent at sports."

Yatake gave Akihiko a quick glance from behind his shoulder. "What, like track? Volleyball?"

"Basketball," Akihiko replied, clicking the 'Like' button of the YouTube clip and stashing it to his 'Favorites' list. "She used to play with her younger brother when she was in high school."

"Your guitarist, right?"

An image of a scowling Ritsuka quickly flashed in Akihiko's head. "The guy version of her face, yeah. Same eyes, same frowny mouth…"

"Same hot temper," they both said in unison.

"Ahh, I just love this shot. It's not even going to be part of the film, but their faces just say _everything_," Yatake gushed, showing Akihiko a re-take shot of Shinobu bending over while cracking up after mispronouncing his line, while Yayoi scrunched her eyes shut and clapped a hand over her mouth to cover her inevitable fit of giggles. In the background, Nao covered her face with her prop, trying to hide her toothy laugh.

Even though the video was on mute, Akihiko could practically _hear_ the cast's mirthful laughter in his head; a chorus of contagious smile-inducing sounds of life and joy. He recalled Haruki's own cute chortles and heartfelt guffaws, his sweet giggles and unashamed cackles until he had tears in eyes. Akihiko didn't notice a wide smile had also formed on his lips.

"Yayoi looks so demure with her laugh here, but in reality, she has this hilarious witchy laugh and it just throws _everyone_ off-guard," the film student added, his expression also bathed in contentment. He continued to browse more files, checking and renaming them properly for easier reference, and couldn't help a loud snort.

"Look, the camera caught Tetsu sneezing in the background," he pointed at the screen.

Akihiko scooted closer to watch the clip and the two wheezed to their heart's content in their room.

"I remember this one film shoot back in freshmen year, Haruki and I were helping a senpai with a project and it was in a forest-y setting. A couple of seniors started sharing spooky stories just to poke fun with friends, but everyone forgot about it as soon as we hit the set. Later on, the people asked us to bring in some equipment and it was getting dark. Haruki and I got separated along our way to the set and he ended up walking into the filming scene itself, _while the camera was rolling_! And everyone suddenly _freaked out_ because they thought he was a creepy apparition in the background."

Akihiko let himself tumble back on the floor in a series of chuckles, trying to imagine the scene with a young Haruki, feeling like he was lying on a cloud. He didn't know that story before.

Yatake leaned back from his computer with a tired-yet-satisfied sigh. "There was also a time he knocked over a line of roadie cases and everything fell like dominoes, all because he tried to reach for a backstage prop with his shoe," he said, shaking his head in dismay at the disastrous but fond memory.

"I've also caught him more than once trying to get something with his foot. It's like he prefers using other body parts to reach for things without realizing it," Akihiko finally shared. "When he grabs a bunch of stuff from the fridge and his hands are full, he closes the fridge with his hip."

It was the other man's turn to laugh loudly, bending back until he was finally flat on the tatami floor.

Akihiko soaked up the lively sound, realizing the fuzzy warmth building in his chest. When was the last time he made someone laugh heartily aside from his band members? A thought also dawned on Akihiko how easy it was for him to find things he loved about Haruki, no matter how simple or seemingly irrelevant, and he didn't want that to stop, ever.

"Just one last shoot tomorrow morning and we're done," Yatake said as he stretched his arms overhead like a lazy cat. "Then we _have_ to get a bunch of stuff for the Tokyo folks. Oh wait, my aunt already has a ton of stuff she wants us to take back home. How are we all going to fit it in the van?! I have no idea."

Akihiko went goggle-eyed, realizing the souvenir stuff had slipped his mind. "Oh. Forgot about that."

Yatake ran a hand through his hair, slipping off his hair tie to let his thin dark locks spill on the tatami floor. He set aside his square-framed eyeglasses and rubbed his strained eyes from the day's work, exhaling a deep sigh, and folded his hands neatly on top of his chest. To Akihiko, it looked like he was ready to doze off then and there, exhausted but without a single regret in his life.

Akihiko didn't want to bother him any further, seeing how worn the older student already was for the night, but he had a dangling question he wanted to get out of his head. After hearing the upperclassman share stories of his younger years with Haruki, it made him realize how little he knew about Haruki's student life or his past in general; his undergrad years, his adventures and experiences with filming, his triumphs and pitfalls along the way. Akihiko suddenly craved to read pages and pages about his boyfriend's past like an addicting novel, realizing he could only recall good or happy stories shared by Haruki himself. Now Akihiko wanted to know _more_ than that.

The two boys laid in the room sprawled all over the floor in silence until Akihiko propped himself up to sit cross-legged on his futon.

"Take-san…"

"Mm?" The other man didn't even bother to open an eye.

"Back in your early days, has Haruki ever cried before?"

Yatake shifted in his resting position as his eyes slowly fluttered open. He took another sleepy sigh and folded his arms underneath his head with a touch of melancholy on his face as he stared at the ceiling.

"Yeah. Maybe once or twice?" he finally spoke. "Well not the loud sobbing kind, just… it looked like he was close to tears. Glassy eyes, trembling voice. We had a producer scold us badly before when we were first years. He yelled at us on-set, and later I found Haruki alone in a dressing room. And… you know," Yatake trailed off softly, letting the other man figure out the rest of the story. He rolled over to his side in a lazy position to face Akihiko who had his eyes downcast at his feet. "Why, what's up?"

Akihiko was speechless for a moment, slowly digesting the older student's words. He didn't know _that_ story before either. The thought of a young Haruki being broken and hiding it from everyone's eyes, Akihiko felt like someone stabbed him in the heart. Many times over. For the past two years that they have known each other, Akihiko had only known Haruki as a smiling and good-natured friend who would probably give away a kidney if he had to. The image of him weathering through his own pain alone yet always helped others around him gnawed furiously at Akihiko's gut. 

"He hardly thinks of himself and I don't know _how_ or _where_ that stuff is coming from."

Akihiko had only experienced Haruki mad at him _once_, back then when he crossed the precious line of their friendship and took the other for granted, and it was one of the worst feelings he has had in his entire life. To have Haruki finally reach the end of his tolerance and snap back at him, Akihiko had felt so rotten in his core and never wanted to experience that ever again.

"…While I'm a selfish brat."

It worried Akihiko that he still lacked a level of depth to 'get' his boyfriend's honest thoughts that he could easily camouflage behind a bright smiling face. He was worried that there could be times when he might already be hurting Haruki again and wouldn't have a single clue about it. To Akihiko, this kind and sweet man was the last person he'd want to disappoint or upset, especially now that they were finally in a romantic relationship. He remembered when he had confessed that time in spring, Haruki was crying too. 

What pained Akihiko even more was that he saw the flip-side as well. As much as he didn't want to ruin things again, he also knew he couldn't promise Haruki that everything would be smooth-sailing like a fairy tale ending either. And if he did screw up, if he made another dumb mistake and break Haruki again, things would be beyond fixing by then.

"But he said yes to you back then, remember?" Yatake reminded him gently but with a 'duh' expression on his face. He said it so simply, so easily, like he also knew the clusterfuck of emotions that ran a storm inside Akihiko's head. And in just one straightforward rhetorical question, he cleared it away like merely erasing graffiti on a classroom chalkboard. 

"I get the selfless part too. He even dotes on some kouhais around campus or the new ones in certain production teams. It's like he doesn't have a single fiber of malice in his body, yeah? Buuuuut that doesn't mean he can break easily either."

Akihiko is stunned. Slowly discerning what Haruki's answer meant when he had confessed. What that 'okay' entailed for him, for _both_ of them as a couple.

Haruki said 'okay' without any conditions or bargain with him. He was crying under that cherry blossom tree, knowing that something _could_ go wrong between them as lovers and yet he didn't refuse. Haruki was scared, knowing that if Akihiko could hurt him once, it could definitely happen all over again.

And yet he still said 'Okay'. 

Akihiko felt a tiny lump in his throat as he pondered on his realizations, and finally met eyes with Yatake who was a disheveled mess right across him with a knowing grin on his face.

"Just because a person is kind doesn't mean they're also weak. Haruki's not as fragile as you might think."

***

Akihiko

Last day of filming.

It was a refreshing 7 a.m. at Toukousaka neighborhood's Ochiba Shrine; a tranquil area built to honor the patron god Okimitsu, known for saving the small village in a catastrophic flood according to lore. Stationed by the water pavilion near the shrine's ema board racks, Akihiko strummed his violin on mute. Unlike his previous rehearsals with his instrument, he paid more attention to certain notes in the music piece that he repeated twice or thrice until the timing was perfect in his head.

The leaves from the surrounding ginkgo trees were slowly turning colors as the days of autumn continued to pass. The gentle kiss of early morning light on his skin and face felt kind and loving like a divine blessing from the shrine god himself. Akihiko sharpened his ears as he listened for any imperfection in his notes, telling himself that this performance piece should be flawless for any audience to hear.

Approaching from the shrine gate, Yayoi approached him a bit hesitantly as she saw the trance-like concentration on Akihiko's face.

"Morning…"

"Oh," Akihiko finally looked up. "Time to roll?"

Yayoi nodded and pointed to the filming set outside the shrine, her minimal make-up and wardrobe done and ready for action. "Let's go."

They were on their last leg of the filming project, one final scene to shoot, and they would be finished for the rest of the day. Akihiko tried to give himself a mental pat on the back for having made it that far, all his limbs and head still intact.

They walked side by side as they left the shrine premise, their sure and confident steps looked like they were strutting down a fashion catwalk.

"The one you were playing, it sounded different," Yayoi said, implying that she knew it wasn't for the film project.

"I'll be trying for an audition. I just realized last night that it's only two weeks away, must've slipped my mind."

"Oh," Yayoi replied casually, shoving her hands in her coat pockets for more warmth. Autumn also did include chilly mornings. "That's nice to hear. I'll be cheering for you," she gave him a small smile.

Akihiko nodded, tightening his grip on his violin case with newfound determination. "Thanks." 

"And CUT!" The final 'clack' of the clapperboard soon followed.

"All right guys, we are _done_! Good job, everyone!" Yatake called out, giving applause to his cast and crew members. Maki and Tetsu joined him in clapping their hands, in the direction of the five younger students. Yayoi, Akihiko, Shinobu, Michiru, and Nao all gave their humble bows and 'thank you's' and also clapped for the staff in return. 

The film shoot was finally over.

Akihiko led out a sigh of relief and happiness, smiling to everyone around him. As the people bustled around to clean up, it only looked like it was any other wrap-up for the day, and Akihiko slowly let the reality sink in that there won't be any more filming the next day. They were done. Finished.

The girls were in a group hug and took photos to remember their achievement, later pulling in Shinobu to join them, and eventually Akihiko as well. They took more photos with everyone at the Ochiba Shrine and offered prayers for the god's blessing, wishing for the outcome of the film project to be a great success at the festival. It was only shy after 11 a.m. when they finished packing up their equipment and clearing up their film set, making sure it looked the way it was before. Yatake gave out small tokens of gratitude to everyone as his form of thanks, while Maki finally announced they would be having a drinking party that night to celebrate the end of their filming work.

With the rest of their day finally cleared, the eight students finally had all the sightseeing time they had been waiting for. Shinobu, Michiru, and Nao were brimming with excitement, eager to fully embrace the experience of their Nagano trip. Exploring deeper into Toukousaka, the visited the hokora of the minor god Kouyougami; the god of autumn leaves. His mini shrine was simpler in comparison to the Ochiba Shrine, a charming hut made of stone and wood that blended beautifully with the changing colors of nature and falling maple leaves. They found an eccentric trinket shop with a logo of a three-winged dragonfly, where Akihiko found interesting charms and items that looked too delicate to touch. The girls fawned over a display of elegant hairpins and ornaments that would match beautifully with a kimono or yukata, and Yayoi's cheeks flushed pink when Yatake purchased a camellia hairpin that she liked.

After getting help from friendly locals, they found directions to the Itsura Botanical Garden where the higanbana flowers were in full bloom. Yatake was clicking away with his camera, the others with their phones, as they captured the sea of striking red flora; the iconic flower of the autumn season. While Shinobu helped snap photos of Michiru and Nao posing around the garden, Maki and Tetsu found a little snack shop where they could rest. Meanwhile, Akihiko was internally cackling as he watched Yayoi struggle to try holding her boyfriend's hand but the other was too clueless to notice, and just ended up smacking his shoulder instead.

By evening, Akihiko found himself at the cozy izakaya 'Aki no Nanakusa' named after the famous haiku, where its interior decoration paid homage to the seven autumn flowers from the poem itself. When their orders arrived, Akihiko found himself diving into their celebratory spread of food and drink that he was sure to brag about to his band members when he got back to Tokyo.

And speaking of his band members…

Akihiko fished out his phone to check Given's LINE group chat and caught up to everyone's replies. He had posted a picture of three small crates arranged next to each other with a cloth thrown over them, hiding their contents underneath. He added the message "Guess what" to intrigue his three friends, looking forward to their amusing answers and conversations.

Mafuyu started. 'Ohhhh'

'A mystery has arrived' Haruki replied.

'Looks heavy' Ritsuka added.

Haruki took the first guess. 'Persimmons?'

Followed by Mafuyu. 'Apples?'

'Pears?'

'Is it a vegetable?' Ritsuka guessed out of nowhere.

'If Kaji-san is bringing omiyage… Uenoyama-kun will get double since her sister is also part of the trip. That's nice, Uenoyama-kun.'

'Is that a sarcasm?!'

A wide grin spread across Akihiko's face. He found himself looking forward to seeing his band members' faces soon, talking about all the weird random topics they could think about, and just be their usual selves.

A mail notification popped up at that timely moment and Akihiko tapped on it by instinct. The contents were from his music mentor, informing him that his name was finally added to the waiting list for first chair audition in two weeks' time, followed by the schedule he needed to keep in mind.

Amidst the merry-making and lively atmosphere around him, Akihiko felt his world slow down for a couple of seconds, taking in another reality that he would be facing when he returned to city life. He knew the piece for the violin concerto was a gargantuan feat for him, for his level, but there was no more backing out from the plan.

_ 'What did you just do?! What the fucking hell did you just get yourself into again Kaji Akihiko?!'_ He bit his lip as he internally berated himself.

An echo of his own words from the other night suddenly filled his head, reminding him of his new promise to himself, feeling the real weight of the words he had said to Yatake at the Mifune balcony under a crescent moon.

_ 'I'm going to play… like no one can stop me.'_

"Kaji-san! Kaji-san!" Shinobu snapped Akihiko out of his internal panic. He finally noticed everyone was holding up their drinks and waiting for him to do the same.

"T-san should say a few words first!"

"Here here!" Nao agreed.

"Oh yes yes, it's only fitting for this kind of occasion!" Michiru added.

"Can he? He's already drunk, look at him," Maki commented.

All heads turned toward Yatake who looked more flushed than anyone else in their table. He gestured to Tetsu randomly and the other man stared back at him confused. From a well-versed project leader, it was a far different image of Yatake compared to Akihiko's first impression of him three days ago. A cool-headed upperclassman with wise words and a commanding presence, but at that moment he was a speechless drunken mess, and Akihiko admitted it was a comically endearing sight to see.

Akihiko noticed Yayoi was strangely holding her glass with her left hand, even though he was certain that she was a right-handed girl. He hastily shoved back his phone in his pocket and caught a glimpse of underneath their table. There, he saw Yayoi's right hand holding Yatake's left, their fingers entwined quietly, hidden from everyone's view.

"Uhh… okay, let's try something else," Tetsu finally said. "To everyone here, it was a ridiculously awesome experience to work with you guys. We hope we could still hang around even after this, or even work on new projects again. We had a blast with everyone, so thanks for this wonderful film shoot guys. To new friends!" Tetsu held up his glass with a wide grin, eyes sparkling in glee.

Seated comfortably at the table and seeing his new friends' eager bright faces, Akihiko shoved all his audition anxieties in a trunk and imagined it sinking to the bottom of a lake. He saw his friends' smiles and felt his heart swell in contentment, reminding him of his happy times with his band Given. His trip in Nagano was finally coming to a close, and soon he would be on the road again going back to his normal city life in Tokyo; back to his student life, back to his apartment, and most of all, back to Nakayama Haruki.

Everyone followed suit to Tetsu's gesture, raising their drinks and saying their response in unison as they clinked each other's glasses merrily.

"CHEERS!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The village of Toukousaka is pure fiction; myth, gods, locations included.  
\- [Aki no Nanakusa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanakusa-no-sekku) 秋の七草. ('Kusa' lit. means 'grass'.)
> 
>   
"The Seven Flowers of Autumn"  
Flowers blossoming  
in autumn fields -  
when I count them on my fingers  
they then number seven  
The flowers of bush clover,  
eulalia, arrowroot,  
pink, patrinia,  
also, mistflower  
and morning faces flower.  
_Yamanoue Okura (C. 660 - 733)  
Manyoshu: 8:1537-8_
> 
>   
\- The sightseeing parts until the end were heavily inspired by these three songs by The Kooks, GLAY, and Dara Macmahon >> [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suvHXdKWGi8), [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPEl03Rw0UA) (only short ver. though), and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFcIO22arc8). The GLAY song befittingly means (in essence) "a person admiring cherry blossoms". 


	7. Stanza 6.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- A 2-part bulk of the 'de-stressing' bit mentioned in the chapter summary.

Ritsuka

Some days later.

"Did we do it right? Finally?!" Haruki asked excitedly.

"That was a good bridge, Ue."

Ritsuka bowed humbly to Akihiko. "Thankyouforyourpatience!"

Around 7:30 p.m. at Rinky Dink Studio, the four members of Given had just finished polishing their new song. It had an energetic tempo yet still carried a sentimental melody, carved by the harmony of firey distortions by the lead guitar and the relaxing hum of the rhythm guitar, the spirited cadence of the bass, and backed by kinetic beats of the drums.

Wiping a bead of sweat from his eyebrow, Haruki looked at Mafuyu and Ritsuka with an impressed look on his face.

"I wasn't expecting this sudden progress so soon, you guys are really are something else!"

He turned to Akihiko who sat behind his drum set, and the other nodded in agreement. 

"It's 'The Zone.'"

"We worked on it during lunch breaks at school," Mafuyu explained.

"But the question is," Akihiko hooked a thumb under his chin. "Is it up to Ue-sama's standards."

All three band members turned their heads to their lead guitarist, who calmly stared back with his typical grumpy expression. 

Ristuka gave them a confident nod of approval and a thumbs up.

"It's a pass," he said with a straight face.

Haruki rejoiced, throwing his hands in the air while Akihiko made several fist bumps with a pleased-looking Mafuyu.

Finally feeling the exhaustion in his arms and legs, Ritsuka breathed a tired yet contented sigh. It was likely that he would fall asleep on his study desk while finishing homework that night, but that exhilarating feeling of completing a new song never got old.

Taking a seat on the floor for some rest, Ritsuka's boyfriend Mafuyu smiled at him and the other teen felt a quick flutter in his heart. Ritsuka noticed the other's slightly heaving chest, telling him that Mafuyu had also poured his soul into his singing during their practice session. Up to now, he was still quite unaccustomed to the stark contrast of Mafuyu's powerful vocals and his normal talking voice. Loud and heart-stirring in one moment, then soft and fragile in another. Ritsuka could still remember when he first heard Mafuyu's singing voice that had caused a flurry of emotions in his heart, and now as the official vocalist of their band, he wanted nothing more than to carry Mafuyu's lyrics with each passionate strum of his guitar.

"Should we have barbecue tonight? I feel like celebrating right now," Haruki said.

Hearing the plans for dinner, Akihiko already took one step ahead with his reply. "Let's do the house special at Chaya's."

Mafuyu clapped his hands with an excited smile.

Ritsuka's appetite began calling out to him, eager for another rewarding dinner with good food, music, and friends.

***

It was a jolly atmosphere at Chaya's that 8 p.m., the seats full, and the waft of grilling food permeated the air. Ritsuka and his fellow band members helped themselves to their orders, delightfully indulging their feelings of accomplishment for the day. 

"I bring good tidings, fellow citizens," Haruki announced. "On this tenth lunar month of the year, we have been invited to take part in a live house gathering on the eve of witches and goblins known as Halloween."

Upon hearing the news, Ritsuka almost lost his grip on his chopsticks. "Ohhh!!"

"HELLYEAAAAA!" Akihiko cheered.

"Actually it's still an underground gig," Haruki inserted as a last-minute detail.

Mafuyu's eyes sparkled, knowing it would be another event to sing and perform on stage. "But it sounds fun. Let's do it."

These were the kind of moments when Ritsuka felt most at home with his band members. The easiness of everyone's personalities, and how no one wanted to be 'that' certain band member known as the annoying know-it-all of the group; the ones who thought they were always right and never made mistakes. In his earlier guitarist life, Ritsuka had transferred to several bands one after the other due to that problematic attitude, whether it was him or another bandmate. And the result was always disastrous.

For a time, Ritsuka didn't even want to join _any_ band, already tired of the same drama and arguments, until Haruki had approached him a couple of years ago. Having a great time as Given now, Ritsuka couldn't even imagine what his life would be like if he had refused Haruki's offer back then. Would he have joined a different group? Or even be playing the guitar again in the first place? The idea of _not_ being in a band with Mafuyu, Haruki, and Akihiko was completely unthinkable for Ritsuka, a situation he would never want to be in for even a split second.

"Halloween huh, is everyone going in costume?" he wondered.

"Do _we_ need to be in costume?" Akihiko asked.

"HUH. The details didn't mention anything about _that_," Haruki admitted, "But it's a hassle when you're playing on stage! So no way!"

Sitting beside Mafuyu, Ritsuka began to muse. "I can't remember the last time I wore a costume for Halloween."

"But we were able to dress up during the school festival," Mafuyu reminded him. "Uenoyama-kun looked cute as a girl. You looked like your sister."

Ritsuka felt his face burn like the grill top itself and tried not to melt in embarrassment of the memory. "Stop. No more."

"There was a time in high school I got to wear the girls' uniform. Fun times. It was breezy down there."

"KAJI AKIHIKO, YOU SHOULD BE _IN CHAINS_ FOR SAYING THAT!"

"Oh, bondage. Didn't know you were into those things," Akihiko teased with a sly grin. "You work at a café, you'd look cute in a maid café dress."

And just like Ritsuka, Haruki's face tinted pink as well, wishing he could un-hear Akihiko's words. He massaged the side of his temples like he was suffering from a serious migraine beside his younger cheeky bandmate.

"One day I will really, _surely_, punch that face of yours."

***

By 9 p.m., Ritsuka and Mafuyu were already on their train ride home, feeling satisfied with their productive evening. After hearing the news about a new gig at the peak of autumn, the two boys felt like their blood was on fire despite the fatigue creeping upon their bodies.

Ritsuka noticed Mafuyu was starting to doze off beside him and gently prodded the other boy to stay awake. Mafuyu's eyes fluttered open and adjusted his grip on the train handle ring, looking blearily at the window that displayed the evening skyline of the city. Ritsuka would have easily offered Mafuyu his own shoulder to rest his head but realized he might as well explode into a thousand pieces from sheer giddiness like a needle popping a Ritsuka-shaped balloon.

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"You sang really well today," Ritsuka said gently, trying to make small talk to help keep Mafuyu awake.

His bandmate licked his chapped lips before giving Ritsuka a tiny sleepy smile. "Thanks."

After their collab session with Hiiragi's band last week, it was a refreshing feeling when Ritsuka (and Mafuyu) had _returned_ to their familiar practice studio in the Shimokitazawa neighborhood. Rather than getting new ideas while being in another environment, Ritsuka realized it was more of a short sabbatical for him to let loose for a bit, and just play to his own liking without any pressure on himself.

It surprised him when Mafuyu had suggested playing with his childhood friend's band, an out-of-the-box idea that he first thought was ludicrous. Ritsuka thought it would be like trying to mixing oil and water; two substances that by themselves could never get along. Even the mere bleached locks of Hiiragi Kashima's hair annoyed the hell out of him, a pompous color that easily drew attention in a large crowd. With a sharp tongue and impatient attitude, Hiiragi reminded him of some obnoxious members in his previous bands (that made Hiiragi's personality slightly more tolerable in that context), all of which he had left behind. Ritsuka had had enough of those kinds of people and wanted to stay away from them as much as possible.

Then again, it was _Mafuyu_ who thought of the idea.

Ritsuka thought his boyfriend had secretly hit his head and gone bonkers that late summer night, reacting with a loud 'HAAAAH?!' as they walked along the street. Yet next thing he knew, he was looking at Mafuyu who had such an _innocent_ look on his face like he didn't know what he had just said.

"You were uh… 'killing it' today," Mafuyu said experimentally. "Did I use the phrase right?"

"Uwaaah, where'd _that_ come from all of a sudden?"

"Hiiragi keeps using it a lot. He said he had fun playing last week, by the way."

"O-Oh. That's… uh, nice to know," he replied awkwardly, recalling the stressful beginnings of their collab session with the winning CAC band. Hiiragi started raving about their new ventures as a debuted indie rock band like appearing on a radio show and joining an upcoming mini-tour as the intermission band.

Ritsuka was expecting it to be just an evening of showing off each other's skills, bragging to the others (or maybe just Hiiragi, really) that he was not someone to be messed with. Ritsuka himself almost took the bait, but he paused and remembered the past bands he had been with; all those times that led him to (almost) give up on playing his guitar with other people. 

He had realized that the trail of thought was like walking on a tightrope, and one wrong move would send him in a downward spiral of ego and disconnection with others and his own music, snuffing out the passion that Mafuyu had lit inside him when they had first met at their school stairwell. Then it would be back to square one and it was a terrifying thought. He couldn't imagine how empty life would be if he wasn't connected to music anymore and worse, not having Mafuyu by his side.

Mafuyu's shoulder lightly bumped against Ritsuka's side from inertia as the train slowed to a halt at its fourth station. Passengers went out and new ones squeezed in, cornering the two teenagers to press closer to each other. Ritsuka could practically tell the brand of fabric softener that was used to wash Mafuyu's sweater, mixed with the faint smell of barbecue smoke from their dinner at Chaya's. It was a weird combination, but he could sniff at it all night and day... without anyone knowing, of course.

***

"Uenoyama-kun, thank you for trying the collab session idea," Mafuyu said. "I know it was unexpected, but I thought it might help."

They were walking towards their familiar suburban neighborhood now, where they would part ways at a certain street intersection and take their own paths home. The cool breeze of early autumn was like a soothing lullaby that tempted Ritsuka to fall asleep as soon as he stepped inside the genkan of his house. He reminded himself not to flop over on his bed by the time he got to his room unless he finished his homework.  
"Yeah. No prob," he replied. "It was new. It was definitely a new thing."

Ritsuka remembered the blaring amplifiers and loud whining of Hiiragi in the studio during their band session, but he didn't even flinch from his spot as he watched Mafuyu interact with his childhood friends. For every snarky reply from Hiiragi, Mafuyu always had a witty comeback at him that Ritsuka would have _never_ expected from his typically quiet boyfriend. It was a 'new thing' for sure. A new and heart-throbbing thing that he found himself falling even harder for the unpredictable sleepy-faced Satou Mafuyu. Even if that also entailed accepting he had a slightly arrogant friend.

In his chemistry class, Ritsuka recalled that it was actually _indeed_ possible to mix oil and water, just by adding a different substance to make the two blend and create something new altogether. Though Ritsuka knew he was not the jovial type of person like their band leader Haruki, it didn't mean he had to keep butting heads or disconnect from others he didn't agree with. He knew that he and Hiiragi had different likes and interests, different backgrounds and childhood experiences. But when it came to playing their own guitars that session night, their pieces were connected, like running a hand over a row of piano keys in perfect glissando from the first note to the last.

And that was the effect of the incredible power and language of music.

"Thank you for today, Uenoyama-kun," Mafuyu said as they reached the street intersection, the pedestrian light still red. He gave a kitty smile that made Ritsuka's heart skip a beat, and slowly leaned closer to the other boy's face.

The other teen froze, knowing what it meant, as he tried to catch his sudden shallow breaths. Knowing he didn't have much time before the traffic lights changed colors, Ritsuka closed his eyes to shyly kiss his boyfriend to end their day, but his lips met the corner of Mafuyu's mouth instead.

_ Aaargh, missed! Damn it! So lame!'_

Mafuyu giggled and titled his head to fix the lopsided kiss, their lips finally locking for a few seconds of sweet autumn evening bliss.

The pedestrian light turned green and Mafuyu finally stepped back to marvel at Ritsuka's flushed face before be began crossing the street.

"See you tomorrow," he called out to the other boy with a small wave of his hand.

"Nnn. See you." Ritsuka tried his best not to implode on the spot, heart palpitating like he had just run a marathon. He waited until Mafuyu safely reached the other side of the street and watched the familiar back of his boyfriend grow smaller in the distance. 

_ 'Get some rest.'_

_ 'Sweet dreams.' _

_ 'See you tomorrow.'_

_ 'I love you.'_


	8. Stanza 6.2

Haruki

That late evening.

"This is Travel Diary Japan! Today's episode: the prefecture of Nagano! We will focus on the area of Kiyozumi, where we will visit the charming village of Toukousaka~ This lovely idyllic village is rich in natural landscapes of lush autumn beauty tied to myth and intriguing folklore…"

"Oh! OH! We went to that place! We went to that place!" Akihiko pointed excitedly at the TV while watching on Haruki's couch.

The show began introducing the rustic streets of Toukousaka on an early autumn morning as locals passed by and bustled around the neighborhood. "Uwah, this is nostalgic," Akihiko said as he rested his chin on the pillow he was hugging, eager eyes glued to the television screen.

  
Stationed at his chair in front of the computer, Haruki swung his head around to face the TV and see what Akihiko suddenly spazzed about. He saw the rural landscape of the province colored in the attractive shades of the autumn season, almost holding his own breath in awe. He noticed Akihiko practically immersed in the TV program like a child watching cartoons and smiled fondly at him.

"By the way, you gave so much omiyage from that trip I had to share it with my co-workers at Suzuran. They loved it _a lot_," Haruki commented. He had his knees folded to his chest and his plaid blanket wrapped around his shoulders to keep himself warm from the autumn chill.

Akihiko glanced at him from the couch with a derpy grin and went back to ogling at the screen. "You're welcome."

The hour was a little past 10 p.m. after their dinner at Chaya's earlier that evening. Haruki wasn't expecting Akihiko to drop-by at his place that night, knowing the other man had a class in the morning but welcomed the company all the same. He had a full schedule last week on top of his own projects, and being with Akihiko now was enough for him to find relief from his weary thoughts. 

"The place really does look beautiful. And I'm just here watching it on TV."

The two boys watched the program quietly, appreciating the friendly narrations that made the rural village all the more tempting to visit, especially during that season. Haruki wondered what it must have been like for Yatake and the others to see Toukousaka and its inspiring beauty.

"I thought about you a lot. When we were filming," Akihiko said, suddenly breaking the silence.

Haruki could still hear the TV as it promoted some local attractions and specialty goods as he buried his face in his blanket. He didn't even bother if his boyfriend was seeing him all flustered on his chair. Akihiko already had a natural charm to him from his appearance _alone_, and hearing him say mushy words to him during their private time never failed to sweep Haruki off his feet.

"Yeah," Akihiko continued, as though he was merely stating his favorite color. "I felt more relaxed that way. It's like you were there with me that whole time."

"T-That's… great. Yup! Great to know!" Haruki smiled while internally squealing. "At least the filming went smoothly! Everyone got along, you guys enjoyed your time there, the Mifune folks taught you guys how to make soba noodles and stuff!…" Haruki elaborated, trying not to drown in the sappy atmosphere. He was finding a way to de-stress from his project for the upcoming art fair but there was his boyfriend, throwing _even more_ snowballs of emotions at his face.

The TV program went on a commercial break, snapping Akihiko out of his trance. The way he <strike>adorably</strike>comfortably sat on Haruki's couch hugging a pillow with his arms _and legs_ told the older student that Akihiko was relaxed yet was still holding something back in his mind. Haruki felt tempted to ask but didn’t want to pry too much, knowing he had some anxieties of his own about his film project as well.

"I want to take you there one day," Akihiko said, his subtle green eyes finally fixed at Haruki's light brown orbs. "One autumn. When the leaves are at the peak of their colors."

The way he said it sent a chill down Haruki's spine. It was the serious tone of a determined man who would walk through fire just to keep his word. Haruki's heart felt like it was about to burst and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He looked back at Akihiko admiring how motivated he was now and even allowing himself to try new things. A cozy warmth blossomed in Haruki's chest underneath his warm blanket and couldn't help a soft smile on his lips. "I'll be looking forward to that."

***

Akihiko

"And we are back. You are watching Travel Diary Japan~"

As soon as the program resumed after the commercial break, Akihiko whipped his head back to the TV screen. He was drowning in nostalgia as he saw the familiar areas of Toukousaka, the places he had been to with Yatake and his crew almost just a week ago. Akihiko could practically still remember the scent of the air from that trip, or how relaxing the morning sunshine felt on his skin as he walked along the traditional-styled pathways around the neighborhood. It was like discovering a magical 'energy spot' in the wilderness and suddenly feeling rejuvenated and brand new afterward.

Akihiko could reminisce about the village all night until he heard the sound of a shutter click coming from Haruki's direction.

He faced the other man who was now looking at his phone with a soft chuckle. Akihiko checked himself and wondered if there was a stain on his shirt.

"What."

"You look like a squirrel clinging to an acorn," Haruki giggled fondly, completely satisfied with the photo he just took.

Akihiko watched as Haruki went back to check on his computer, most probably something for one of his projects for class. Something knotted in his gut as he saw Haruki still preoccupied with his studies late that night. At university, he would notice the other's tired face when they would bump into each other around campus, the same face he was wearing now in front of his computer. Akihiko wanted to ask 'What's wrong?' or 'Are you okay?' but blurted something else he wasn't expecting.

"You've been looking at that all night."

Akihiko wanted to smack his head against a wall. It sounded like a petty jealous remark and he wanted to cram his mouth with pillow stuffing.

He was sure Haruki would frown at him for being insensitive, but instead, the other man gave him a stricken look, then his expression mellowed to guilt and gave a sigh. He started closing his browser windows, files, and programs and eventually hit the 'Shut Down' button on his desktop.

"You're right," Haruki admitted with an apologetic smile. "It’s my first time doing this for the fair."

Akihiko mentally slapped himself several times. It was really impossible to make Haruki a bad guy in any dimension of the universe.

He had already seen the posters about the event around campus and could hardly contain himself when he saw Haruki's name under the Film Department's list of participants. A buzz of excitement reverberated throughout his body at the thought of finally being able to see Haruki's skills at work.

But seeing the other man's dejected face now, he wanted to soothe his worried boyfriend for once but couldn't bring himself to find the right words. He was tempted to ask about the film he was working on, but hesitated, thinking of giving Haruki some space until he felt ready to talk or share his thoughts. At the pit of his stomach, Akihiko also knew that he was being secretive as well, not yet telling Haruki about his upcoming audition for first chair in a concerto performance.

After the computer screen finally dimmed to black, Akihiko watched as Haruki moved to sit on the floor by the coffee table beside him, hugging his knees and his blanket still draped around him.

"Are yoouuu… going to stay over?" Haruki asked, tracing the rim of his ashtray with a finger. The way he carefully asked and even drawled his question made Akihiko want to spill a litany of curses to the universe for making Nakayama Haruki too darn tantalizing at that late hour of the evening. The mere fact that he even asked in the first place was a rare gem for Akihiko, it was the first time his boyfriend made hints for him to spend the night. And he wanted to say yes. Dear heavens Akihiko wanted to say yes so bad he could cry but he knew that one thing was getting in the way for him to take up Haruki's offer right then and there. 

The audition. Thinking about it bought another feeling of vertigo in Akihiko's head. It was only a week-and-a-half away, and he knew he still had a lot to polish up on his violin. It wasn't just a short music piece of 3-4 minutes like the one he played for the film shoot, this concerto piece was much longer and he had to get every note right until the end. He wouldn't be playing it alone either, he had to lead a small orchestra as a unified ensemble, adding double the pressure for the role as first chair. The thought alone made him queasy for a bit but knew Haruki was also facing his own anxieties about the art fair. Akihiko decided he didn't want to settle with another 4th place like his violin competition back in spring. He wanted to push himself harder and take new risks, to play his violin for his love of music and for his boyfriend as well.

"Mmnnnnnn, not tonight," Akihiko answered, groaning in his head as he reclined on the sofa with his pillow. "I have some stuff to work on."

Sitting quietly on the floor, Haruki shot him a perplexed look. "At this hour?"

Akihiko gave him an unimpressed face and jerked his head towards the computer that had just recently been switched off.

Haruki blushed slightly as he immediately connected the dots, sniffling a bit as he pulled the blanket higher around his neck. "Oh. Right. _Right_," he acquiesced and gave a small sneeze.

Akihiko finally rolled himself off the sofa and settled comfortably behind Haruki, wrapping his arms carefully around the other's waist. He gently bought Haruki's body closer to his chest, feeling the other's heartbeat, and catching a whiff of the other's shampoo; a scent of fresh flowers after a rain shower. Sweet, calming, and gentle. It was the same scent he craved when he was in Nagano, those nights when he laid in his futon in the boys' quarters as he waited for his body to fall asleep.

He rested his forehead on Haruki's nape, feeling the rise and fall of the person's shoulders wrapped in his soft blanket. All he wanted for now was to make Haruki feel at ease, to let the exhaustion drain away, and to ask him to wait just a little bit longer until Akihiko could stand proudly next to him as a deserving partner.

"A-Akihiko…" Haruki sounded more worried than uneasy. "What is it?"

It was no surprise already how Haruki could pretty much hear the other's thoughts, and the taller man just smiled and nuzzled his boyfriend's neck and hair with a soft sigh.

"Nah, I'm just thinking too loud again."

The TV program they were watching had already been over and was now showing a weather forecast for the week ahead. It was followed by a segment of the foliage forecast around Japan, informing viewers when the autumn leaves would be at their best time for momijigari.

Akihiko daydreamed what it would be like to visit Toukousaka at the peak of its season with Haruki at his side. To see him laugh and smile in the gentle morning light, see him stroll among the sea of dewy higanbana flowers at sunset, or watch golden ginkgo leaves land on his soft hair under a pale harvest moon. Akihiko relished the thought, grinning to himself, and swore he would keep his word.

"I'd really love to stay over but…"

Before Akihiko could finish his sentence, he gave Haruki one last squishy hug before reaching for his biker jacket that hung on the couch. If he stayed any longer, Akihiko was 110% sure he would end up staying over for real. 

"E-Eh, you're going now?" Haruki watched as the taller man shrugged on his jacket with ease.

"Yep."

Akihiko finally stood up, stretching his long legs, and helped Haruki to his feet as well.

"Heeeeh, okay. Nnn. That's fine too," the other man shrugged, with a hint of a small pout on his lips. Akihiko tried to not look in Haruki's direction unless he wanted to drown in his boyfriend's ridiculously endearing trying-not-to-be-sad face and ruin his plans for the night.

He made his way to the genkan and slipped on his shoes, looking forward to the evening wind rushing at his face as he streamed through the highways of Machida on his motorbike. It was an elegant full moon that night and Akihiko felt like a surge of lunar magic started pulsing through his veins.

He planted a long kiss on Haruki's forehead like he was leaving for a faraway journey and booped their noses gently to say good night.

"Gotta go, see you tomorrow. Get some sleep."

_'I love you.' _

The other man just looked back at him clueless, most probably confused why his boyfriend seemed so determined not to stay over for the night. But for Akihiko himself, it was part of his long pseudo-rite of passage to show that he wanted to be 'that' person who could make Haruki feel cherished and loved, even if it meant delaying his own selfish whims. Akihiko looked forward to seeing how far he could go into making himself into a better man for Haruki, and finally showing him the breathtaking landscape of Toukousaka one day, just as he promised. Someday, one ordinary autumn day, when the leaves are at the peak of their colors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- TBC.  
Every story needs a climax. _Somehow._


	9. Stanza 7

Haruki

A week-and-a-half later.

The room was still dim when Haruki opened his eyes that morning. Unlike his usual wake-up time when the sunlight had already begun painting his bedroom walls with a fresh morning glow, the cold blue-grays he was staring at told him the hour was _not_ the time for him to get up just yet. He fumbled for his phone to check the time and discovered his alarm had more than an hour left before it was scheduled to go off. He pulled his duvet cover over his head to keep warm and tried to lull himself back to a few more minutes of sleep, but his heart already started beating that familiar rhythm of anxiety like a persistent knock on his door at 5:45 a.m.

Haruki understood why his body was already alert, bracing himself for the day ahead, even though he was still in denial and wishing he was looking at the wrong calendar of events of a different year.

It was the day of the art fair.

At 6:30, Haruki finally gave in and slid out of bed to start his morning. Aside from the extra colorful and lively atmosphere he was expecting with all the stalls and small booths littered around the campus, Haruki told himself that it should be just like any other day in university.

He looked at the view of the waking city from his balcony, seeing the buildings catch the early rays of the morning sun and thought how many other people were also getting up and preparing for their own day ahead. Some perhaps less happy than others, but still kept themselves moving. It could be a special occasion for one person that mundane Friday, but could also be a sorrowful one for another. Haruki mused and wondered and marveled at how many events were happening to a single person every moment, each one unique and was always connected to other people around them. And the same should go for the art fair that day; an elaborate web of interconnected experiences of people in a certain place at a certain time and event, always moving in a linear direction and never backward.

The 7 a.m. alarm finally went off, snapping Haruki out of his ruminations and decided to head for his morning shower. He picked a button-down long sleeve shirt that complemented the color of his blazer jacket and trousers and went with a side-part hairstyle with the rest of his locks tucked behind his ears for a clean look. The young man didn't want to look unkempt that day, especially when he had a short film to present to his professors and audience later in the afternoon. Checking the time, it was only inching towards 7:45 and the film student couldn't help but groan loudly in his apartment. He only had one lecture that day and it was at 10.

Haruki switched on the television to keep his mind at ease while he rummaged his fridge for a light breakfast. The TV showed the morning news, the weather update, and a segment about the various autumn-related festivals happening in different regions across Japan. He watched the crowds of locals and foreigners immersing themselves in the culture and celebration of the seasonal Japanese traditions; taking part or witnessing ceremonies or ritual dances, visiting shrines or trekking mountains to get the best views of the autumn leaves at their full colors in nature.

Haruki smiled to himself, remembering Akihiko's words to him a week ago. Those words that held so much promise, and imagined what it would be like to travel with him… and him _alone_. His boyfriend, his lover; having the tall striking young man to himself all day… _and night_, and probably sharing the same space with him in their room including… _the bed_…

Haruki cracked an egg too hard at the edge of his mixing bowl and had to scoop out the small pieces of shells that fell into his omelette mixture. _'Whoooaaaa get it together! This isn't a honeymoon, snap out of it!' _

He felt like he should take a second shower to re-focus himself, a good cold one to be precise. 

***

His phone vibrated in his jacket pocket and he fished it out to check the notification. It was a message from Akihiko saying he would be at the North Theatre Hall later that day for the film viewing, and Haruki replied with a short 'Okay'. He was at a park bench that 9 a.m. inside the campus, appreciating the colors of the leaves before they would be gone come winter, half-reviewing his lecture notes and half-people-watching as students buzzed in and around their buildings to get to class or prepare for the fair.

There were the eccentric ones from the Fine Arts Department; they had the most varied galleries in their building that were open for public viewing all day, the more posh-looking ones from the Music Department with their chorale performance accompanied by orchestra at the concert hall, and later on, joined by the energetic Theatre Department for their stage play. Lastly, there were the adventurous ones from the Film and Media Department that led the popular film viewing program that was scheduled to start at 3 o'clock sharp that afternoon.

_ 'Just an ordinary day,'_ Haruki told himself. _'Just a collection of people with different experiences connected to one another.'_

"Yo."

Haruki greeted his close friend Yatake with a sleepy blink. The older student hardly looked like he was attending any lecture that day with just his camera hanging from his neck, and Haruki was sure the contents of his sling bag were his fancy zoom lenses and other photography paraphernalia rather than any study materials for class.

"You look pale."

"Gee, thanks. I woke up at 5 a.m.," Haruki deadpanned. "So… you'll just be gallivanting around campus the whole day as an event photographer, huh."

Yatake shrugged as he took a seat beside his friend. "Pretty much. Yayoi said she'll be free at 3 and she'll drop by your show. She won't tell me where her gallery is and I have the whole day to scour every room in the Fine Arts building to find it."

"Too cute! _Way_ too cute! You guys are giving me cavities," Haruki gushed.

A group of music students was passing by, lugging their encased instruments toward the grand auditorium, most probably for the orchestra performance later that day. The two friends watched the small procession and Yatake noticed the senior violinists in the small crowd.

"Where is Kaji Akihiko?"

"He probably hasn't even left his place yet. But he said he'll be there," Haruki supplied with a worried sigh. "He has something else to attend to before that. A class, I guess?"

He hoped he didn't sound too troubled in his last sentence. At the back of his mind, Haruki had an uneasy feeling why Akihiko had been a bit quiet for the past few days with him. Like he was in a daze or always had a faraway look. The man even turned down Haruki's offer to stay over at his apartment last week, saying vaguely that he had 'stuff to do'.

Akihiko didn't even elaborate on what he had _exactly_ planned for that day and had only sent Haruki short questions about the show. It was tempting to ask and get it over with, but Haruki held himself back, not wanting to sound too nosey or worse; paranoid what his boyfriend could be secretly up to. Haruki wanted to trust that Akihiko will clear things out with him later on when he felt ready to talk.

But if worse came to worst, Haruki told to himself that he will swallow broken glass.

***

Akihiko

Noon, inside the university campus.

_ 'What… the… hell?' _

Akihiko stood in front of the notice board at the Music Department lobby that afternoon, trying not to panic. It had the lineup of students auditioning for first chair violin and Akihiko felt like throwing up when he saw a total of twelve names on the list, including his own.

_ Twelve_.

It was an unusually large number of interested students as far as Akihiko knew. The usual tally was just five or six people who would try for first chair for any instrument in a concerto performance, and usually they were already the top ones in their class or hand-picked by their professors. But for this occasion, it was double that amount.

To make the situation worse, the time of the audition was slightly adjusted at the last minute and Akihiko only knew that noon after his last lecture.

If he was just any typical student without plans that day, it shouldn't be a big deal knowing all classes were dismissed by lunchtime for students to enjoy the fair. Unfortunately, Akihiko _did_ have some plans later that day and his gut formed into multiple knots when he saw the new time of his audition that afternoon.

3:00PM.

"There's only one schedule available?" Akihiko asked in the faculty room. He tried his best not to sound pushy or brazen, but in truth, he already wanted to cause mayhem right then and there. One of the advisers explained it was an unprecedented hassle they weren't expecting as well due to sudden changes in schedules, while another professor told Akihiko that there was no pressure if he wanted to cancel his audition altogether and just call it day. 

Akihiko knew he needed to inform Haruki right away and fumbled around his person for his phone.

_ 'Shoot.'_

He realized he left his phone at the apartment. _Of all days_ for it to happen. Akihiko wanted to look for Haruki around campus to tell him personally what sort of dumb pickle situation he got himself into, then paused and imagined his boyfriend throwing him off a cliff if he told the truth.

There was also the option of leaving the hall and just pretend nothing happened. Like there was no audition at all, and Akihiko could just say everything was hunky-dory and that all his late nights of practice were all for naught.

Now Akihiko _really_ felt like throwing up on the spot.

He considered just doing a coin flip to make a decision and tried it once. Then twice, thrice. It occurred to him it wasn't an effective method since he also kept changing his mind. Was he really going to do this? Why did it have to add up to twelve people in the first place? Why today, of all days? Why now? And why the fuck did he forget his phone again??

Lounging outside the waiting room at 2:30 p.m., Akihiko tried to sort through his thoughts as he leaned on the rails of the indoor balcony of the second floor. He had a good view of the main staircase in the lobby from his spot and watched students climb or descend the steps at their own pace. His mind was a mere hollow space stuffed with thick gossamer, his heart beating in adrenaline like he was being chased by zombies, and his hands clammy as a ghost's touch as he tightened his grip around his violin case. It was a Halloween party gone wrong in his head; a crazy party he wanted to leave and fast.

Akihiko recalled the Nagano trip, the time when he and Yatake were on the balcony of the boys' sleeping quarters when he had spilled some cheesy words about his feelings and playing the violin. He was talking about the acting job and asking his upperclassman for advice on how to perform well on-set, and later realized Yatake had misunderstood, thinking Akihiko was referring to his relationship with Haruki. It was only then when Akihiko started seeing a silver lining in his thunderstorm of mental chaos, those string of bold words he had said out loud that night.

Repeating the lines like a mantra, Akihiko scrambled to piece himself together before he might break down again or even forget how to play his instrument altogether.

"Kaji-san, practice room. Now. You're up in 10 minutes," one of the assistants called out to him from the waiting room, her finger pointing to the hardwood door of the adjacent room.

"Do your best!" She gave him an encouraging smile before closing the door once more. 

The practice room looked like any other space to rehearse his notes, do his tuning, and warm up his strings. It was like having a typical day in class, and Akihiko latched on to that idea to calm himself down. _'Just like any other day.'_

Before he knew it, a staff member from the audition committee knocked on his door to call him into the connecting room of the screening hall itself. At the long table furthest from the grand piano sat three panelists who were currently engaged in discussion, talking in low voices that Akihiko could barely hear. He gave a bow to offer them respect, as well as to the pianist who will be accompanying his solo piece and quickly introduced himself to the people in the room.

From his standing spot in front of the piano, Akihiko caught sight of the wall clock that hung above the room entrance, its hands telling him the current time was 2:57 p.m. Tendrils of guilt started coiling their way up to his conscience, like unattended vines of ivy creeping up a garden wall, but Akihiko snipped them all away before they became an overgrown mess that could easily overtake him for good. He focused on his reality that he was going to make beautiful music with his violin again; something he could never grow tired of and truly loved to do, no matter how difficult a music piece was.

On the other side of the campus, the film showing at the North Theatre Hall should also be minutes away from opening its curtains with Haruki there to stand on stage, just like Akihiko was in that same moment. To stand under a spotlight and face an audience just like their gigs as the bassist and drummer of their band, to perform, have a great time, and give a nice show. 

After a share of quick nods among each other, the audition panel finally gave their signal to begin and Akihiko followed. With his violin tucked under his chin, he took a calm breath, poised his bow at the bridge of his string instrument and let his notes take over the deafening silence of the room.

The weeping melody of Tchaikovsky's _'Valse Sentimentale'_ flowed in crashes and waves into Akihiko's ears as he let every strum carry his remorse to Haruki that afternoon, wishing that the other man could hear every croon and whimper of the violin strings from his side of the campus.

Akihiko closed his eyes and thought of the falling autumn leaves outside; a vivid shower of reds, oranges, and golds that were the colors of a burning fire.

He remembered his times with Haruki that sent flickers of heat in his chest and throughout his body, and how the other man would effortlessly nurture that warmth, gently tending to the flame in Akihiko's heart. It would be his worst nightmare if one day Haruki turned his back on him and walked away, leaving the fire to slowly die and get swallowed in the darkness.

Akihiko continued to strum his violin, pouring endless apologies to Haruki into every note; for not being there with him in an important event in his student life, for keeping the audition a secret from him, for Akihiko to forget his stupid stupid phone. It felt like the world was spinning around him in a whirlwind of burning leaves, cinders, and ash, and a faint silhouette of Haruki's back growing smaller in the distance as he walked away from him and into the foggy unknown. It was a painful image in Akihiko's head but he never stopped strumming until he reached the very last note of his piece, almost forgetting to bow and say thank you in his native tongue when he finished.

***

The hour was a ghastly 5pm when Akihiko reached the North Theatre Hall, staring at the schedule posted outside the building. Barely noticing his surroundings, Akihiko read the participants of the short film-showing program and welcomed the heavy sinking feeling in his gut when he found Haruki's name in the list. He stared at the letters like they were hieroglyphics and bit his lip to distract himself from screaming at the top of his lungs right inside the university campus. 

'3:00 p.m. Kintsugi - Nakayama Haruki'

The sun was still up, but the new shortened hours of daylight had already started shading the sky with faint colors of an early sunset. To any typical student or passer-by, it was a lovely afternoon with the ideal pair of a cool autumn breeze and relaxing sunlight; a perfect weather for the exuberant activities of the art fair. Yet there was music student Kaji Akihiko, hardly feeling any festive mood at all as people roamed the lively surroundings, hardly paying attention to his existence at all.

Outside the theatre building was a lightly scattered crowd of guests, students, teachers, and alumni of the film department, sharing idle chats and light discussions about the films from the show. Akihiko scanned the myriad of faces and individuals before him, feeling like a lost ghost looking for his rotting body. He was beginning to feel the fatigue from his day, his audition, his heap of disjointed emotions until he spotted Haruki by the building entrance surrounded by a small group of unfamiliar faces. Some looked like students, others a bit older; all displaying bright cheery expressions on their faces as they shared stories, jokes, and laughter with one together.

Akihiko almost forgot how to breathe. It was his first sight of Haruki that _entire day_ and his heart did tumble-turns in his chest when he saw the man dressed presentably for the event. A bitter taste formed in Akihiko's mouth as he watched Haruki smile and tuck a lock of hair behind his ear, looking happy and satisfied without his boyfriend around him during the special occasion. Akihiko gritted his teeth in frustration at himself, seeing the gap between him and Haruki growing wider and wider, like a mocking gesture that told him his efforts of fixing his life had all been worthless. He recalled the image of Haruki's back in a shower of burning autumn leaves slowly disappearing into a foggy abyss, leaving him behind without a single word.

That late afternoon, the crisp autumn air felt suffocating.

Akihiko couldn't stand his insignificant presence in front of the theatre building anymore and finally turned around. He took one stride after another, hearing his solid footsteps like a countdown to a ticking bomb that was nearing the end of its fuse. Akihiko kept on walking, his mind going blank and his ears filling with static sound. He missed the look on Haruki's face when the man finally saw him in the crowd, excusing himself from his company and started calling his boyfriend's name from afar.

Akihiko just kept walking, his back turned to Haruki, letting the distance between them grow even further apart. He forgot what his schedule was for the next day, he forgot he had not eaten lunch yet and also forgot that he was hungry, he forgot that his motorbike was parked at a different area that day, and forgot where he was supposed to go in the first place. He went past the campus buildings, the art fair, and the autumn trees, forgetting how beautiful they looked during sunset.

Akihiko just kept walking and walking; an endless fruitless journey, and not once ever looked back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [The first round solo.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUuusqy50yk)  
\- TBC.


	10. Stanza 8.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- ["Kintsugi"](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enPH763PH763&ei=MtlhXt-dMsXZhwP85rOQDQ&q=kintsugi&oq=kintsu&gs_l=psy-ab.3.0.0i67j0l9.455728.456465..459215...0.2..0.200.1024.0j5j1....2..0....1..gws-wiz.......0i71j0i273i70i255j0i273j46i322i131i395j0i131j0i273i70i249j46i322i67i395j46i322i395j46i199i291i67i395j46i199i175i131i395j46i199i291i395.XvOnYZOz664) is an old Japanese art technique of repairing chipped or broken ceramics. The art form stems from a concept of accenting damages and cracks of the broken object, putting back the pieces using a special lacquer glue mixed with gold.

Haruki

Back in late summer.

"For example, someone who could play the violin?"

Haruki's heart skipped a beat and the tips of his ears suddenly felt warm as he finally realized who Yatake had in mind.

"Oh no. No. No, no, no, no. You're not tricking me this time," he replied warily. The surrounding noise of the izakaya suddenly went on mute for a couple of moments as Haruki stitched together the hints in his head. The younger man couldn't even feel the sticky lingering summer heat in the air as Yatake locked eyes with him with a dark seriousness in his face. 

"I'm not kidding."

"Eeeeehh…"

A long silence fell between the two young men, staring at each other as if the floor was about to swallow them down to the underworld, never to be seen again.

Then a roar of hearty laughter followed.

Haruki and Yatake cackled and hooted in laughter, bending over nearly knocking over their drinks and slapping the table to try getting a grip of themselves. They panted as they struggled to catch their breaths as their lungs begged for air, their abdomens started to get sore, a familiar dampness formed at the edges of their eyes.

Akihiko showing up in a film? A Yatake Kouji production for the Zenith festival? The tall and 'bad boy'-charming Kaji Akihiko plus the head-turning beauty Uenoyama Yayoi… on camera… together? The former couple that broke up last year and were now Haruki's and Yatake's romantic partners respectively? It was a filming disaster waiting to happen for obvious reasons and the two close friends happily amused themselves at the crazy thought.

"Is there something in our drinks tonight?! No way it will work out!" Haruki swatted the air with a frail hand, still recovering his strength and catching his breath.

Yatake shook his head vigorously like a stubborn child refusing to eat a vegetable. "Absolutely not. Gonna. Happen! Yayoi will roast me on a spit!"

"A hundred _million_ percent guaranteed doomed-to-fail operation!"

"Total annihilation. Instant kill."

"Death flags all over."

"But oy, you daydreamed for a split second what Kaji Akihiko would look like on camera, didn't you?"

Haruki choked on the last gulps of his beer, cheeks, and ears deeply tinted pink. 

The hour was nearing 9:30pm now and the crowd of Yumeri-ya customers had already thinned out, catering to the late-night single patrons of the less popular drinking joint. The noises of loud chatter and restless banter had finally mellowed down, letting the two friends have more space to let their thoughts simmer in their heads.

"I'm serious though," Yatake started _again_. The lit cigarette between his fingers burned silently, inching slowly to its filter like a timer to his brain.

The younger student stared at him completely dubious and moved a re-filled beer glass away from his friend's reach.

"What."

Haruki sighed and fidgeted with his lighter in one hand before putting it away in his pocket. Exhausted from laughing earlier, he didn't know if his companion was still in the mood for more jokes. "Let's just call it a night? I just said the first thing that came into my head. You're here, all stressed and like _this_," he gestured to Yatake's form in all his stress-worn glory from head to toe. "And this is Zenith we're talking about, I just… wanted you to loosen up a bit."

"I'll ask her," the bespectacled said, exhaling a light puff of smoke away from his friend's direction.

Asking Yayoi to help in his work was already a bold decision in itself and adding Akihiko into the picture immediately spelled 'NOPE' in Haruki's head. They could have easily brushed off the idea as a bad joke and blamed it on the alcohol, but the younger man knew too well when his friend was in a serious mood.

"Haaaah," he replied incredulously. "Akihiko will just pass. Have you seen his arm muscles? He'll probably roast _me_ on a spit for bringing that up!"

"It's like a joke at first but the more I think about it, it makes sense. I _make_ films and videos and stories, but I'm not into being _in_ the drama myself, okay? It just takes up so much energy, and what, soon we'll be biting each other's heads off? No way. Can you imagine both of us stressing about this for the rest of our lives?" Yatake said as he took a sip of his drink. He stubbed his cigarette in the ceramic ashtray and leaned back in his seat with a short definitive sigh.

His friend had a point, Haruki bitterly admitted to himself. It wasn't a pleasant feeling knowing that their romantic partners could put a strain on their friendship, being the ones getting strangled in their complicated web of romance. But they didn't want to overwhelm their partners either or make them feel forced, which could make things a hell lot worse. Haruki appreciated that Yatake also foresaw the situation and offered to take the first delicate move, tackling his own dilemma by the horns as he ought to.

"I'll ask her first. If she's okay with it, that's good. I'll let you know, _and then_ you can ask your boyfriend."

A wave of emotions crashed into the younger man's heart as he felt moved by his friend's words. "Take-chan…"

Haruki knew his upperclassman wasn't particularly fond of Akihiko since the beginning either and after the events from last year, Akihiko had already messed up _twice_ in Yatake's book. Yet the man even used the term 'boyfriend', telling Haruki that he acknowledged Akihiko's new relationship with his close friend, even taking the first move to let the music student join his film project. It was enough for Haruki to understand how much Yatake valued their friendship, that the man was willing to take extra steps to untangle the knotted parts in their shoujo manga-esque love diagram.

"If he backs out, then… we'll figure something out," the upperclassman tried to sound optimistic as he massaged the corners of his tired eyes. "There's a whole bunch of talented violinists in the music department and a little styling can already go a long way. "

It was a doozy thought, but the way Yatake said it with such ease made it sound like a walk in the park. Haruki had always admired his ambitious friend about his work, and his heart practically swooned over his friend's noble efforts to set things straight, all while getting the film project done along the way.

"Kyaa~, Take-chan so cool," Haruki fanboyed his friend teasingly. "Suddenly I feel so happy for Yayoi-san."

The older friend keeled over on their table, finally dying of embarrassment at the thought.

"Ahhhh, if Yayoi-san will be okay with it, then I hope Akihiko will go with it too," Haruki buried his hands messily in his hair. He clawed through his rubble of negative thoughts, hoping to reach the other end and see a silver lining on the horizon.

He wanted to let Akihiko know that people were slowly seeing him differently now, and the ripple effect of his changed ways had finally begun reaching others, much to his own unawareness.

For him, there was no wide gap between them anymore and Akihiko had the entire world to explore for himself. The young music student shouldn't just revolve everything around his boyfriend and see nothing else beyond that. Haruki wanted him to go places, experience new things, connect with positive people and play his music the way he wanted to. If Akihiko still saw himself having 'a long way to go' in 'fixing' himself, it wouldn't be a surprise if he shied away from anything outside his comfort zone. And asking him to join a film project with Uenoyama Yayoi and Yatake Kouji was definitely a good solid example of that.

"He's being so careful nowadays and it worries me that if something bad happens…" Haruki made a toppling movement with his hands and a large crash sound effect. "Like losing in Jenga."

Yatake looked at the imaginary mess of toy blocks on their table and pursed his lips for a brief second. "But that's what you're there for, right?"

Haruki paused wide-eyed, speechless by his friend's reply.

***

Evening, Akihiko's apartment.

"I'm really truly sorry," Akihiko said for the umpteenth time that night. "I'm so _so_ sorry."

The guilty look on his boyfriend's face was too much to bear, Haruki felt like he was talking to a disappointed 5-year-old child.

"Pleeaaase stop apologizing now? My heart feels like it's being torn to shreds here," he told Akihiko as gently as he could. "Look, it worried me too at first when you weren’t answering your phone. Then I thought you might be lying about something, but you're not that kind of person anymore. I just guessed… maybe you guys have strict rules about ringing phones when you're having an audition or whatnot."

It was a long tiring day and now Haruki found himself at Akihiko's apartment after finally catching sight on the man at the campus fair. He could still remember how his heart sank when he saw Akihiko leaving from the theatre building, holding his violin case with a slump in his shoulders. Haruki had to _sprint_ just to catch up to his boyfriend who was walking away from him so fast like he was in a deep trance. He knew why the music student wouldn't slow down his pace, even after calling out to him several times across the campus, he knew why Akihiko wouldn't even turn around to face him that late afternoon.

Because the man knew he had screwed up.

Haruki would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't upset about what had happened, that Akihiko missed the film showing without a single message about his whereabouts, but he was already mentally exhausted from the day's events. He just wanted to know where his boyfriend had been all that time, and from Akihiko's downcast eyes and slightly disoriented state, Haruki felt like he should prepare for the worst.

'There you are. Where were y—I mean, did you… did they dismiss you late?' he had asked, catching his breath when he finally caught up to the other man. Haruki's mind was already waging war in his head, coercing him to bombard Akihiko with questions like 'Where have you been?!', 'Did you just suddenly forget about today?!', 'Why wouldn't you answer your phone?!'

He had wanted to interrogate him on the spot as soon as Akihiko paused mid-stride in his pace, but seeing the younger student already in a broken mess, he realized it would be making things worse.

All Akihiko replied was 'I'm sorry' in a soft trembling voice and Haruki just wanted to crumple himself into a ball and forget about the world for a few moments. The words stung like pouring vinegar over an open wound and his heart throbbed hollowly in his chest.

'I'll explain,' Akihiko said afterward, still avoiding his boyfriend's eyes. 'I just… I-I really missed you today.'

The torn expression on his face was all it took for Haruki's pent up anger to dissipate in mere seconds.

"Haru…"

Akihiko's face now looked straight at him, completely flabbergasted as if Haruki had cussed for the first time.

"You're psychic now?!"

"Hah? Eh?! It was just a guess! I… uh, I overheard it before," Haruki said, setting his small bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter. It was an unexpected purchase Akihiko had bought for him on their way home that early evening. They had stopped by at a shopping district to buy their take-out dinner and walked by a flower shop that was prepping to close for the day. The next thing Haruki knew, Akihiko was eyeing a flashy rose bouquet with all the nice trimmings on the display and panicked, telling his boyfriend it wasn't necessary at all. But one look at Akihiko's guilt-ridden face made Haruki give in and insisted he preferred the smaller bunch of tulips instead. 

"Please stay over?" Akihiko asked sheepishly, rummaging his cupboards for any decent vase-shaped container for Haruki's flowers. Unfortunately, he had minimal items and crockery in general, only finding a short stack of disposable plastic cups. "I'm not letting you out of my sight for the rest of the night."

Even in Akihiko's dispirited state, Haruki was floored how the younger man still had his way with captivating words. Meanwhile, his tongue-tied self just answered by hiding his warm blushing face with his hands. Haruki wondered if he will _ever_ get used to Akihiko's in-born trait of sweet-talking, spellbinding his heart whether the man was couscous of it or not. 

"I also don't have an extra futon and I don't fit well in the couch," Akihiko followed-up, his tone still shy and careful. He attempted to try the plastic cup as a temporary vase, but the tulip stalks were too big and didn't fit; the perfect depiction of his implied meaning about their bed arrangement later that night.

"Don't worry, I won't try anything," he added as a last-minute thought.

Haruki suddenly forgot how to breathe on the spot, his knees felt weak, his heart raced a million miles per minute and reached a hand for the countertop as extra support.

_ 'Nakayama Haruki, you have just raised your death flag. Congratulations.' _

Akihiko pulled over a barstool and offered Haruki to sit. He opened his fridge and grabbed two cans of beer, handing one to his boyfriend and leaned back casually near the kitchen sink. His eyes were downcast again, staring at the canned beverage in his hands, not even bothering to open it yet. The sight tore infinite holes in Haruki's heart, seeing his normally tough-looking partner full of self-shame, while seeds of dread began to sprout in his conscience. He had no idea what Akihiko was going to say next and braced himself for hearing every worst possible scenario he could think of in his head.

"Please get angry," Akihiko spoke softly, his voice in a humble request. "Why aren't you mad?"

Haruki looked at him with concern, understanding that Akihiko was already prepared for whatever punishment he deserved for his actions. Yet, as much as Haruki wanted to, he couldn't grasp the fuming rage in his system anymore like trying to catch a wisp of smoke with his hand.

During the film screening, he recalled his annoyance when his calls kept transferring to voice mail on Akihiko's end, one ring after another. The staff, professors, and students around him backstage were talking in hushed voices as they shuffled around and took their places to begin the program. Haruki stood there with his fellow presenters, ready to go up the stage and give brief introductions about their work. At the back of his mind, Haruki just begged the heavens that wherever Akihiko was at that moment, he was safe and where he ought to be. That maybe it was something urgent and gravely important to him that he wouldn't dare miss it, and wouldn’t regret afterward.

Then the 'other' thoughts slipped into his mind, the 'other' options of where and what Akihiko could be up to, sudden and utterly distracting. Haruki weeded them out of his head as quickly as he could, not allowing a single cracking sound from his already-chipped heart. He firmly told himself no matter what the reason was for Akihiko's absence, he wouldn't let it topple him down, not at that time just before the curtains were raised.

Now seeing Akihiko looking absolutely crushed, Haruki had had enough of his turbid emotions for one day, that venting out was already a moot point. Haruki remembered his partner's words around a week ago, full of certainty without a tinge of hesitation in his voice, and just clung to that thought. He wasn't going to give up on Kaji Akihiko until he heard the truth first.

"Akihiko… what happened?" Haruki asked, eyes trained on the other man right across him. He wanted to let his boyfriend know he wasn't afraid of knowing the answer, that he won't break.

He watched the other man sigh, noticing the glint of light on his lip ring, easily drawing attention to his slightly parted lips.

"I wasn't able to show up because I was auditioning for a violin concerto," Akihiko finally said. He looked at Haruki with his subtle green eyes, unwavering from his partner's gaze. "I'm really sorry…"

Haruki eyed Akihiko's violin case sitting quietly in a safe corner, bit his lip, and pulled the tab on his canned beer.

"Without saying anything?" he asked, the hiss of the carbonated drink resounding in the room, and took a short sip.

On Akihiko's bookshelf filled with his music collection and DVDs, the taller man showed Haruki his phone resting on the bottom shelf beside its unplugged charger, perfectly untouched since that morning.

"Oh."

"It was supposed to be at an earlier time, but they changed it and there were so many others trying out," Akihiko continued, running a hand over his short pale hair. "I thought I was already cut after the first round and was ready to run to the theatre, but then they told me to stay for the _second_, and just damn, I wanted it to be over. It was the most grueling two hours of my life and… H-Haruki, are you okay?"

On his bar stool, Haruki sat bent over, his hands messily dug in his hair, eyes shut like he was in pain, but he was… smiling? He couldn't help the cascade of relief flowing through him as he heard Akihiko's words. He probably looked like he had finally gone insane, but he didn't care at that hour, reveling in his head that he had nothing to worry about all along.

At first, Haruki thought Kaji Akihiko as the one breaking down like a crumbling tower of toy blocks and he should be the one to save him. But in the end, Haruki realized it was the complete opposite; that he nearly broke down himself and Akihiko just effortlessly stood there, arms open, waiting and ready to catch his fall.


	11. Stanza 8.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Secret tag: Slow-burn  
\- Aki had a long day = lots of feelings. Lots of feelings… and it's all just about one person.

Akihiko

The first question in his head was 'Why???'

Akihiko couldn't comprehend what he was seeing right before him; that his boyfriend was looking so… _happy_ when he finally admitted his own fault. He knew well his own stupidity over missing Haruki's important film showing that day, and worse, he chose something for himself instead. He was expecting the other man to scold him or walk out, but instead, Haruki was there in his apartment unit, smiling and taking sighs of relief.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's fine," Haruki assured him, lightly chuckling to himself, shaking his head and burying his face in his hands. "Haaaah why do I feel like I'm the one being saved here…" he muttered to himself.

Akihiko didn't know whether his partner was infuriated, elated, overjoyed, or a mix of all of them. He dreaded it was the calm before the storm, and what Haruki was going to say next would be 'let's break up, I'm done with you' with a cute smile and couldn't help a nervous gulp. 

But to Akihiko's surprise, after Haruki calmed down, the man gestured to sit beside him by the tall counter. There was not a single evidence of anger on the other's face, only that familiar kindness a lot of people knew too well. Akihiko felt several knots untwist in his heart slowly realizing that Haruki was not disappointed in him _at all_, and for what he had done.

Akihiko followed, closing the gap between him and his boyfriend but preferred to stand instead, folding his arms on the table and buried his face in his forearms. The overwhelming relief was like splashing into a lake after jumping off a high cliff, knowing that the nauseating fall was over.

"I couldn't tell you about it before since I wasn't sure I'd get through," Akihiko said. He was still too ashamed to look at Haruki, even though he knew the other man wasn't staring daggers anymore by that point. All he could think about was how in the world could he still stand beside this incredibly softhearted person.

"And the result is?" Haruki took another sip of his beer. He nudged Akihiko gently with an elbow to tell the other he wanted to see the younger man's face.

The taller man obeyed, albeit shyly, turning to gaze at his boyfriend who was waiting for a reply.

"They said they'll announce in a week or so. We were narrowed down to six, then they asked us to play a segment from the concerto piece and that was the longer part. The people couldn't decide right away and they had stuff to attend to."

Haruki nodded as he listened to Akihiko's words, propping an elbow on the counter to rest his chin on his hand. "The tough job is theirs', not ours'," he said with a carefree shrug and a small tilt of his head, a thin wisp of hair falling near his left eye. The overhead light made them look like gold threads that gave an enchanting glamour to his face.

"You still went through with it," Haruki smiled encouragingly at him. "You didn't back out and I'm glad you chose that decision. Even though you missed the show, you were where you needed to be."

Akihiko wanted to shrink himself into a tiny ball, hearing his partner actually _praising him_ for disappearing that afternoon. He couldn't connect why and how the man was happy for him, as if nothing special had happened to Haruki himself that day. It made Akihiko want to throw a tantrum like a child who got the wrong toy on a Christmas morning and wanted something else. He wanted to shake Haruki furiously and tell him to be pleased with his _own_ achievement for once, instead of setting himself aside.

He fixed his eyes on Haruki's face with a twinge in his gut, knowing the man was being too generous again with his heart.

_ 'YOU'RE the one who had the film showing today, mine was just an audition. I'M the one who should be proud of you.'_

He felt small as he looked up at the caring person seated on the barstool next to him, oblivious of Akihiko's frustration while looking like a deity bathed in divine light. Drowning in allure, Akihiko reached out to let his fingers touch the stray locks near Haruki's face and tucked them gently behind the man's left ear.

"I was thinking about you all that time when I was playing out there."

Whorls of heat spiraled in his chest as he let his fingers slide along Haruki's jaw and the side of his face like caressing a petal under warm sunlight, watching a faint blush color his boyfriend's cheeks.

"And you strummed your violin as perfectly as you could," Haruki spoke in his soft heart-throbbing voice and Akihiko struggled not to melt all over his kitchen floor. He closed his eyes to calm his wanton urges, resisting to lean forward and just press his lips greedily to Haruki's mouth.

"Every note," he whispered as if he would be taking his last breath that autumn night. 

"It's amazing, don’t you think? We were doing something side by side, even though we were at opposite ends of the campus. You got through your audition, and I got through my first film showing," Haruki said with a new shimmer in his eyes, quite amazed at his own thought.

Akihiko recalled the vivid image he had while he was playing his violin solo, the one of his boyfriend's silhouette leaving him in a forest of leaves and ashes. That afternoon, he told himself that he had screwed up magnificently after choosing the audition over Haruki's show, that he could never stand confidently next to this wonderful person as a decent partner. And yet there was Haruki telling Akihiko how proud he was of him, already seeing the younger man as someone deserving to be his fair equal. Yatake Kouji's words firmly echoed in Akihiko's head, that Haruki really was_ not_ as fragile as he had thought, that his heart had learned how to repair its own cracks and damages and still keep going.

"We both needed to deal with our own thing first and that's absolutely okay. As much as we want to support each other, we need to there for ourselves before anything else. We can't fill each other's shoes," Haruki said comfortingly, wiping the condensation around his chilled beverage. "If you decided to skip the audition, it's like saying you wanted to skip being the drummer of our band."

A vision cloaked Akihiko's reverie as he imagined himself without Given, living without its members and their memorable escapades with music. No fun rehearsals at Rinky Dink or gigs at The Playhouse, no enjoyable dinners, no cool guitarist Ristuka or genius vocalist Mafuyu, and worst of all, no dependable bassist Haruki. Akihiko firmly gripped the fact how pivotal it was in his life when he agreed to form The Seasons two years ago, and it all stemmed from this very person he was talking to at an intimate distance in his kitchenette.

"I'd die first before that happens."

Haruki gave him a playful smirk. "Or Uecchi and Mafuyu-chan are going drag you back from the dead, whether you like it or not."

"…That's a horrifying thought," he grimaced.

Then finally, a small laugh. Akihiko's ears pricked at the sound of his boyfriend's voice in delight. They were like ceremonial bells that told him the hard part of his day was over, that he had overcome his trial and things would be okay afterward.

"Haru…" Akihiko said, nearly choking on the tiny lump in his throat.

His boyfriend looked back at him so tenderly he forgot to breathe, biting down the urge to kiss Haruki for real and spoil himself for the rest of the night.

"Hm?"

"I'm really hungry now."

And at long last, the small apartment came alive with a mirthful laugh and Akihiko blinked back the tears that were forming at the corner of his eyes.

***

It was around 8:30 p.m. when Akihiko began setting up his computer on a low table beside his couch. Haruki had dramatically revealed a mini flashdrive in his hand while having their dinner, telling the younger student that missing the noon show wasn't the end of the world just yet. A strum of a harp resounded in Akihiko's ears and his heart skipped in a field of flowers as he anticipated to watch Haruki's finished project that night.

Meanwhile, the film student himself was lounging around the room still looking for a nice vase to put his tulip bouquet. He came across a small shopping bag on the shelf, curious about the dragonfly logo at the front, and decided to peek inside.

Akihiko caught him at the exact moment and nearly jumped on his boyfriend in sudden panic.

"Ahhh! Not that one!"

"EH! Why? What is it?! Are you keeping dangerous stuff around?!" Haruki's face suddenly turned to dread with a hand over his mouth, holding up the bag like it contained a bomb. "Is there something dead in here?!"

Akihiko facepalmed, his face and neck feeling a familiar warmth. He sighed, knowing there was no use hiding the item and crouched on the floor in defeat. Having an absurd plethora of emotions for one day was starting to take a toll on his young adult heart.

"Fine. Open it."

Haruki found a package wrapped in fancy paper and string, noticing the subtle weight of the unknown object. Akihiko gave him a nod to open the small parcel and found a pair of traditional yunomi teacups lined with gold patterns. The lines looked like mere designs at first, but Haruki realized they were crack lines of the broken ceramic, pieced together in gold.

"Oh. Akihiko, are these?..." he looked at the younger man by the couch, an emotional expression on his face.

"Yeah. They're for you. They're a separate souvenir from the Nagano trip," Akihiko answered, wishing he was invisible until his racing heart had calmed down.

Haruki held a cup delicately in his hand, fascinated by the small artistic pottery in all its damaged beauty.

"But you… changed your mind?" he asked curiously.

"NO! No, it's not that. It was just hard to find the right occasion to give it to you. Then I saw the title of your film and I feel so unoriginal about the whole idea now."

The other man's face softened and Akihiko wanted to roll himself up in a cocoon and hide there until spring. He had planned to give it to Haruki on a random casual occasion like it wasn't anything _too_ special, or it wasn't a gift bought out of his sappy TV drama-worthy romantic feelings.

"Akihiko… they're lovely," Haruki said, admiring the unexpected present with loving eyes and a gentle smile. "I'll treasure them. Thank you."

If there was a black hole hidden underneath the floor, Akihiko would have jumped into it willingly before he could explode into a million pieces.

"Huh, wait. So you're saying we had the same idea?" his boyfriend suddenly added, shooting a bewildered look at Akihiko.

"H-Hahhh? At the shop, something reminded me about that time... with you... last year, and then I… ugh, I'm dying from all these mushy feelings for one night. Give me a break!" the younger student clapped a hand to his mouth. The sudden outburst caught the other man off-guard who stood frozen in his corner of the room.

Haruki just stared back at him and mouthed 'okay' without a sound, one hand clutched over his heart in complete alarm. 

Akihiko felt the universe shoving knives and swords into his back until he was a porcupine, feeling the shame and guilt wash over him. 

"Aaaargh, _fine_. I thought about how I've made mistakes in the past and how you bought me back. You're like the liquid gold and I'm the broken ceramic. There. Lame. Can we start watching now?" he said impatiently, face burning in embarrassment over the sentimentality of his gift.

Akihiko's laptop screen was finally on stand-by to play the short film 'Kintsugi' and the two boys sat comfortably on floor cushions, their backs reclined against the small couch. Even though it was only half an hour long, Akihiko wanted to imprint every minute of it into his brain, his senses tingling with excitement that he was finally going to see Haruki's work.

The film student sat next to him, guarding the dragonfly shopping bag on his lap as if afraid it will suddenly grow limbs and run away.

Without further ado, Akihiko hit 'Play', his eyes glued to the screen. Haruki noticed the big derpy smile on his partner's face as the short movie started, biting his lip to control an incoming fit of giggles. He had probably memorized every second of the film already after re-watching it hundreds of times to polish the project, it was refreshing to see the reaction of a person watching it for the first time up close.

"Mine came from Mafuyu-chan's sunset photo," Haruki said out of the blue. "When I first talked to you two years ago, your eyes looked like they had flecks of gold in them."

Akihiko stiffened at the words, the meaning of the film title sinking in. He realized all that time he was away in Nagano in constant pining in a provincial village, Haruki was in the city working on his project thinking about him as well. 

"Then a lot of things happened like forming a band, we met Mafuyu-chan, then got into a rough path," Haruki paused, knowing Akihiko also knew those certain events, but his voice sounded less pained to the other man. "We got into trouble… yeah, _a bit of trouble_ with ourselves, but we still mended things back together," he said delicately, fixing his gaze on the taller man next to him.

Akihiko drowned in Haruki's light brown eyes with a familiar lump in his throat, their faces merely a hand's width away from each other. There was a light sniffle in his nose, an annoying itch at the corner of his eyes, and a tiny whimper clamored to escape from his lips. But he steeled himself before he got carried away by the waves of feelings that crashed over him.

He felt miserable as he remembered those painful events but also grateful to have Haruki with him at that moment. He was angry at himself for the stupid decisions he had made, but also thankful he was now making better choices to be happier in his life. Akihiko understood what Haruki meant by those 'things' they had pieced back together over the past months; whether it was his own heart or his partner's, their friendship, romantic feelings, or in the music they played, it amazed him how he was still together in one piece. And not only him, but also the person sitting by his side; his supportive friend, his responsible bandmate, and unquestionably golden-hearted lover Haruki.

"Yeah," Akihiko said, voice slightly unsteady, nodding to himself to get a grip of his emotions. "We fell apart but still placed things back together."

***

Some thirty minutes later, Akihiko was an emotional mess on the floor as he finished the short movie. It was a blend of grief and finding happiness, coping with losses and appreciating life, all through the touching story of a single mother and the spirit of her two children. Akihiko nearly choked on his drink when he caught a cameo of Ritsuka and Mafuyu playing with Kedama at a park, the dog rolling over happily while the two teens reacted like they had just won the jackpot lottery. Then he also felt like crying at the end, when the woman shed tears of happiness when she finally started smiling again in the company of a friendly local man.

Now Akihiko knew what he had missed that afternoon and suddenly felt better that he watched privately, or else he would have looked pathetic tearing up in the theatre hall. He felt so proud of Haruki to make such a soul-stirring film that only lasted half an hour, each scene carefully curated to explain the story of the main character and capture the feelings of the audience. 

"Haruki, that was ama—" Akihiko paused mid-praise when he saw his boyfriend asleep beside him. Haruki's back was reclined against the sofa, his head tilted back comfortably that exposed his neck and Adam's apple. One arm was protectively clutched around his gift, while the other laid limp at his side. He had removed his blazer jacket, his sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows, and his chest rose and fell evenly in deep slumber.

"…Haru?" he asked again, but his boyfriend didn't budge.

Akihiko couldn't stop staring, fixated on the elegant features of Haruki's sleeping face. The beat of his heart throbbed louder and louder in his ears as he moved closer, silently closing the space between their warm bodies. He hovered over Haruki's face, close enough to count the man's eyelashes and feel their chests move in perfect rhythm, their mouths one shy breath apart. A million brain cells were going haywire in Akihiko's head as he wrestled with his conscience, excruciatingly tempted to indulge in his selfish whims. He dared himself to move closer, the tips of their noses already touching, until he was just one syllable away from claiming Haruki's lips with his own.

One second later, Akihiko sat there on his hardwood floor, panting and getting his bearings as though he had just fallen back from another universe.

_ 'No, not yet,'_ Akihiko firmly told himself. He didn't want to give in so easily, just because the chance was right there with no hindrance whatsoever. If he wanted to kiss Haruki, Akihiko wanted the other man to be _aware_ of it and feel the precious moment with him.

The hour was still too early to tuck in for the night, but Akihiko couldn't stand seeing Haruki dozing off like a log on the floor any further. A gentle nudge and a careful lift of his arms later, he scooped up his partner in one effortless move. He carried Haruki to his bed, careful not to stir the man awake as he laid him down on the plush comforter and pillows. Akihiko unfastened the top buttons of Haruki's shirt and untucked the hem to move easier in his sleep. Then he unbuckled the belt, sliding it off its loops until it came free from the other man's trousers. He removed his boyfriend's watch and set it on the bedside table, pulled out the bulky phone in his pocket, a lighter, and a small pen.

Akihiko studied Haruki who was still passed out, lightly chuckling to himself at how oblivious the other student was to his position on the bed. In a different light, he looked like he was ready to seduce Akihiko to a night of heated passion but in truth, he was just dead asleep exhausted from his day.\

"I'm really proud of you," Akihiko whispered with a tiny ache in his heart, telling himself it wasn't too late to praise Haruki and wished the words would just echo somewhere in his lover's dreams.

The wall clock only read 9:30 p.m. and Akihiko was in a mood for an after-dinner snack. Rummaging his fridge, he found a mason jar from the Nagano trip, emptied it, and gave it a quick rinse. _Finally_, Haruki's pink and white tulip bouquet had a proper vase. He grabbed a light dessert in his small pantry and sat on his couch with his laptop, absorbing the calming silence of his apartment.

After an insane day of one stomach-churning predicament after another, Akihiko was sure this art fair was one event he would never forget any time soon. The re-scheduled audition (he made it to the second round!), Haruki's show, the teacups, watching the short movie, and now his boyfriend was in his bed looking like a night-long tease to his… ahem, carnal desires. He did a mental check on himself that after all those happenings, he was still one functional human being. Even though he mentally broke several times that day, he didn't let himself fall apart for good, and Akihiko allowed himself a content smile at the fact.

It was a starless sky outside, the new moon cloaked in shadows like a spotlight finally switched off to end a show. A soft autumn breeze yawned outside his window, but Akihiko wasn't ready to sleep just yet, knowing he had six other short films available to enjoy for the rest of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- To quote Tom Hiddleston in [this vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_gmyTyYSVo) with Cookie Monster, "Delayed gratification."  
\- Last TBC.


	12. Stanza 9.1 Outro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- First part is a little rated. A jellybean-sized portion of indulgence.

Akihiko

Several days after.

The sound of his own breathing echoed throughout the misty space that surrounded him. His nose picked up the scent of fresh flora in the morning dew, his senses waking up to a slight chill like he was in a lush garden at dawn. Akihiko noticed he was only wearing a thin button-down and a pair of light jeans, lying on solid ground, and everywhere else he saw flowers and petals.

In between his legs sat his boyfriend looking at him with half-lidded eyes that sent a rush of heat to Akihiko's chest. Haruki's hair swayed to an invisible breeze, a hand clutched at a scarf wrapped loosely around his neck, and Akihiko realized the man was also wearing a similar translucent top just like him and… nothing else.

His eyes followed the trail of opened buttons along Haruki's shirt starting from the collar, going downward to the man's collarbones, his chest, his upper waist, his flat abdomen with a shy peek at his navel, and then stopped by the last two fastened buttons that fell right between his naked thighs.

Akihiko's breath hitched, seeing Haruki so scantily dressed, his body susceptible to the cold open air. His first instinct was to reach out and touch the other man, to let his hands knead Haruki's skin and warm the soft flesh of his lover's body with the fervent heat from his palms.

But Akihiko's desire was ceased when Haruki stopped him by his wrists, his boyfriend's head shaking fondly with a knowing smile on his face. Haruki pulled off his scarf and began binding his partner's wrists together as if Akihiko was about to be punished for doing something wrong.

"Haru?..."

His boyfriend's eyes still had a cozy warmth in them but with a secretive glimmer, his luscious mouth grazing the other man's calloused fingers.

"It's okay," Haruki whispered with a slow flicker of his eyelashes and Akihiko felt a throb between his legs, nearly forgetting his own name.

Haruki planted his knees on each side of Akihiko's hips, placing his partner's tied wrists above his head with a soft giggle, as delicate and soothing as watching butterflies play around a sweet nectar flower. He proceeded to undo the younger man's shirt with ease, all the way to the last button and his partner released a small gasp as the cold air met his exposed skin. The beat of Akihiko's heart was beginning to hasten, knowing well where his situation was headed, feeling the growing heat spread throughout his body.

Without preamble, his bare chest was showered in countless blossoms falling from Haruki's hands, covering his torso and up to his neck in bright colors with a content sigh. Akihiko's hands were just _aching_ to touch the man before him, an invisible force holding his bound wrists in place, craving with his entire soul to feel Haruki even for just a second.

He knew he was blushing furiously by then akin to a high fever, and soon nearly lost himself as he watched Haruki bend down to gently blow over the petals scattered across his upper body.

Akihiko's back arched and his head tossed back reflexively as he felt Haruki's hot breath on his skin, not even recognizing the guttural moan that escaped from his own throat. He shut his eyes surrendering to the lust overflowing in his veins, squirming and shuddering as his boyfriend leisurely teased his skin.

"Ha-Haruki…", he panted wantonly, his hands balled into tight fists above his head. His chest heaved as he tried supplying more oxygen into his lungs, sucking the air that tasted of sweet flowers and the slight bitterness of his defenseless state.

The other man didn't seem to hear and only gave a light chuckle, relishing Akihiko's vulnerable form to his own fancy.

Then the younger man felt something cool and velvety on his neck, slowly moving downward to his chest and brush over a pert nipple. He opened his eyes to see Haruki holding a pink tulip like a wand and letting the bud graze over his rib cage, his obliques, and dip over his navel, moving downward with an eager lick of his lips.

"Say Akihiko…" he said, as if they were merely talking in a normal conversation. "Do you know what pink tulips mean?"

***

Akihiko's phone pinged and vibrated with a new notification under his pillow, jolting him awake. He groaned when he read the current time, rolled over in his tangled sheets then heard a loud thud when he fell off his bed.

***

The 9 o'clock atmosphere of his neighborhood was quite uplifting that morning; birds were chirping, passers-by smiled at him, a line of school children waved at him as they crossed the pedestrian lane with their chaperone, the sun filtered through the brown and orange-yellow trees like constant winks of light that greeted him 'Please enjoy your day!' as he zoomed through the streets on his motorbike.

Following his mentor's email, he arrived at the rehearsal room just before 10 a.m, an unusual venue for his fist lecture that day. When he entered the hall, he saw the sunroof was open, bathing the spacious area with natural light with a clear view of the sky above them. The swirl of clouds reminded Akihiko of a milk froth drawing on a spiced latte, a charming bartender skill that Haruki had recently started learning for his job at Suzuran. The usually curtained floor-to-ceiling windows were also neatly tied back, casting rays of sunshine on the students at the orchestra pit; their brass, silver, and other polished instruments glinting in the morning light as they warmed up to their music pieces.

"Ahhh there he is~!" Akihiko's mentor welcomed him with dramatic enthusiasm, motioning with his hand for the student to join him on the stage. Beside him stood another man in semi-formal attire carefully watching the young musicians with a thumb hooked under his chin.

"Kaji, this is Tajima-sensei. He'll be the one conducting the Charles Beriot performance," his mentor gestured towards the unfamiliar guest.

Akihiko bowed humbly and introduced himself, noting the man also had a respectable height, standing at equal eye-level with him. Tajima's eyes had a sharp gaze that could shoot daggers from a distance, but Akihiko was stunned when he saw a crinkle at the corner of his eye when the man gave an authentic smile.

"Sensei, where are the others?" Akihiko asked, giving his music professor a curious look.

"Well it's better to introduce you to him _first_ before the others, don't you think?"

Akihiko just fell silent, not even bothering to blink. His instructor gave him a knowing look, delaying his words like an engine revving up before going full throttle to reveal the news to his young student.

"Because you'll be playing first chair."

It took some 4-5 seconds for the words to register in Akihiko's brain, and before he knew it, he realized he had stopped breathing. Akihiko was at a complete loss for words as he stared wide-eyed at the two adults before him, the solid floor becoming wobbly as gelatin beneath his feet.

Tajima-sensei started clapping as his form of praise, giving firm nods to assure Akihiko that he was _not_ in a dream. Akihiko's mentor followed suit, and eventually the surrounding students paused to stand up and give a warm applause in chorus. The acoustics of the hall absorbed the echo of everyone's clapping, making the sound more genuine to Akihiko's ears. The light from the sunroof was a spotlight on him at the stage, illuminating him in glorious autumn light.

Amidst the supportive smiles of the people around him, it was only then when Akihiko noticed the color of Tajima-sensei's silk tie, a rich blush pink fabric that looked smooth to the touch. 

His mind plunged back to his dream earlier that morning, hearing Haruki's voice and remembering the confident expression on his boyfriend's face.

Akihiko held a hand to his mouth as a medley of joy, disbelief, and a million curses spouted from his brain like watching a grand fountain at a water theme park. He looked at everyone surrounding him, allowing himself to savor the moment and finally show a wide smile on his face. His mentor nodded at him similar to a proud parent, cheering Akihiko that sounded more similar music to the young student's ears.

"Well done! Congratulations."

***

He ran a hand along his collar and smoothed his dark tie tucked underneath his gray vest. It wasn't that Akihiko felt nervous about where he was at 6pm that evening, but rather to distract himself from ogling at Haruki looking like a sophisticated date beside him in dressy casual attire.

His partner's dress shirt was a handsome navy blue that contrasted his light slim-fit chinos, topped with a matching blazer that complemented his eyes and honey blonde hair. The untied scarf that hung around his neck gave him a cozy look that tempted Akihiko to wrap an arm around Haruki's waist to keep the man close for added warmth. Even the cuffs that peeked from underneath Haruki's jacket sleeves were attractive to the younger man, the cotton fabric bringing a certain elegance to his boyfriend's wrists. Underneath his composure, Akihiko was just _dying_ to press a kiss on each of them out there in public, to tell everyone that the beautiful man accompanying him was his'.

But Akihiko knew he should behave himself that night, as he and Haruki blended among the dressed-up crowd inside the SCX Building for the Zenith Short Film Festival; a grand venue to watch the premiere screening of Yatake Kouji's short film.

The hall was a combination of formal and industrial interior that gave a pleasing ambiance with its light fixtures and eclectic décor. Around them was a sea of unfamiliar guests and Akihiko observed how completely unfazed Haruki was in the crowd, his calm expression soothing in the middle of their busy surroundings.

The fancy event wasn't something new to Akihiko, having attended plenty of formal occasions throughout his life, but showing up with Haruki as a set pair gave butterflies in his stomach as if he was finally introducing his boyfriend to the entire world.

It was a mass of dolled-up faces and fancy perfumes, but it didn't take long for Akihiko to spot Yatake and Yayoi talking to some interviewers in the dizzying crowd. The film student wore a sleek bowtie suit while his girlfriend looked elegant in a knee-length teal dress with a side chignon hairstyle, both of them poised and charismatic like a young celebrity couple. As soon as they spotted Haruki and Akihiko in the crowd, they excused themselves from the photographers, eager to welcome their two friends and exchange some light banter.

By 6:30 p.m., the halls were finally emptying out as the hour announced the start of the first show. There was an uneasy beat in Akihiko's heart as he took his seat in the theatre, knowing it would be his first time to watch the entire story of Yatake's production, with no idea how he would look on screen. He took a nervous breath, which Haruki noticed who sat to his right, and offered to entwine their fingers on Akihiko's lap.

At the first appearance of the actress in the beginning scene, Akihiko immediately knew the character was Rena, Yayoi's older counterpart. Rena was a newly-arrived novelist from a different city, looking for a place of solitude to write her new book. She later encountered a pale blonde man and Akihiko squeezed Haruki's hand by instinct when he easily recognized the character.

It was Hide, his older counterpart for sure, even noting how similar they were in build and height but with a longer hairstyle and removed piercings. When Rena saw Hide's character, she was speechless at first and approached him carefully with intrigue written all over her face.

'Hide-kun?' Rena asked, unsure if she might be mistaking the stranger's appearance. Hide's actor looked at her in an almost equal surprise.

'It _is_ you!' she chirped, her voice effervescent with a sparkly tone. 'This is incredible! It's been _years_!'

But just when Akihiko was expecting Hide to speak, the man responded with a happy expression and a handful of gestures without uttering a single word.

Similar to Rena, he was also confused about Hide's soundless reaction, watching the man point to his own ear followed by hand actions that was easily understood as sign language. Akihiko felt a gaping hole tear open in his heart when he finally realized, along with the audience, that Hide's grown-up character was deaf. 

As the story progressed, the flashback scenes of Rena and Hide's childhood unraveled the relationship between the two characters, making Akihiko feel awkward in his seat. He saw himself on the large screen as young Hide during his delinquent high school years, a cocksure lad with a prodigious talent for the violin. Akihiko almost didn't recognize himself, like he was watching a twin he had never met before, wondering if that was the same face Haruki saw two years ago on that random day in autumn.

The atmosphere was light-hearted throughout the story, the two former schoolmates reminiscing their teen years and Hide's life when he moved away after their graduation. The hearing impairment didn't dampen the smile on the man's face, but it ripped Akihiko's soul to shreds watching the character put away his string instrument, typing on his phone to tell Rena 'Cheer up!' and even tease her with 'You still look awful when you frown! >:P'

Before his mind spiraled into an emotional black hole, he felt Haruki's thumb brush over his hand, re-focusing his attention to the screen. In just a blink, the younger man was back to reality. He was neither the schoolboy nor the grown-up Hide who had retired from playing his violin. He was Kaji Akihiko, a music student enjoying his time watching in a theatre.

Instead of feeling shattered by Hide's condition, Akihiko clung to the warmth of his partner's hand in the darkness of the room, reminding himself that he was still whole. In that short moment, Akihiko realized he was satisfied with his life. He didn't crave for miracles or wishes, feeling happy with what he had. For sure there were still plenty of things to do out in the world but he felt content, knowing he was in Haruki's company, their entwined fingers keeping each other in place; two chipped pieces from a broken ceramic held together in gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- It was an ambitious idea to think everything could fit into one chapter because nyope, didn't happen.  
\- The middle part was inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDnLHd2Ei3Y) by Shiina Ringo. A rough translation can be found [here](https://okuretamonster.tumblr.com/post/169053796406/sheena-ringo-jinsei-wa-yume-darake-%E4%BA%BA%E7%94%9F%E3%81%AF%E5%A4%A2%E3%81%A0%E3%82%89%E3%81%91).  



	13. Stanza 9.2 Outro

Akihiko

The hour was only 7:30 p.m. but Akihiko thought it was already past 8, the evening air feeling more chilly around his exposed neck. After watching the premiere screenings of the film festival, Akihiko suddenly craved the fresh air outside, away from all the dazzle and noise of the event. Haruki accompanied him of course, responding to his boyfriend's aura like reading the palm of his own hand.

"That was unexpected," Akihiko said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I had no idea he was going to lose his hearing when he grew up."

Haruki glanced at him as they strolled beside the wire fence of the SCX Building parking lot, their footsteps loud in the quietness of the night.

"Take-chan wanted to keep your character's personality authentic without spoiling you the heavy bits of the story," he supplied carefully. "I hope you don't hate him for it…"

"I don't mind it, really," the younger man replied. "Maybe because I was the one who played half of the role and got a little attached. It just got me thinking… what if I suddenly stopped hearing one day."

He noticed Haruki slow down his pace, looking at him with concern and lightly furrowed brows. 

"That I couldn't hear my own violin anymore. I wouldn't be able to play the drums well, or sync with your bass, Ue's guitar, or Mafuyu's vocals," Akihiko continued. "Not hearing your voice when you laugh or call my name, when you're annoyed or need any help. Not hearing you when you're happy or sad…"

The growing worry on his boyfriend's face formed knots in his heart, but Akihiko just couldn't imagine his life devoid of sound or music, without a clean note from his violin or a solid beat of his bass drum, true and steady as a beating heart.

He couldn't forget the stories Yatake had shared, those days about a younger Haruki he hardly knew about. Akihiko swore to himself that he would always have his boyfriend's back, whether they were in different places or playing together in the same room as a band. Knowing music was the firewood that kept his passion burning, that it connected him to people he cared about, his world going on mute would be extinguishing his entire soul.

"Then again I'm here with you right now, hearing you loud and clear," he tried to lighten the mood with a playful tone. "The thought just never crossed my mind until the movie was already playing. Do you remember when you asked about the film shoot? I thought you finally lost your head."

As if by coincidence, a random leaf landed on his boyfriend's hair and Akihiko brushed it off with a handsome grace.

"Yeah," Haruki replied with a hint of pink on his cheeks. "Take-chan and I thought we were drunk too. Pretty wild what can come out from a joke at first, huh." 

When Akihiko finally saw a tiny smile on the other man's face, his heart spun in pirouettes and felt everything in the world was back in its proper place.

They ended up walking past the film festival venue and into a neighboring park, small and a bit closer to the busier streets. It had a view of the shinier buildings of a nearby shopping district, its bright lights making the pitch-black sky almost starless that night.

The nearby trees had already shed some of their leaves, faded green and yellow-brown confetti ready to fall in one gentle blow of the wind. Akihiko followed his boyfriend along a path of ginkgo trees illuminated by a few sleepy lamp posts, the yellow-green treetops still half-way through its full golden colors. Haruki strolled by them like an enchanting fairy in an autumn forest, his figure shaded in the warm lights, the luster his honey-brown eyes taking Akihiko's breath away as if he was in a perfect dream.

"Haruki," he started awkwardly, realizing he was a little tongue-tied at his boyfriend's ethereal presence before him. "Thank you… for this."

The line sounded familiar, almost a déjà vu, similar to when he had also thanked Haruki for joining his band at Given's first gig a year ago. He only uttered four words, but they weighed a ton in his mouth.

It was similar to re-opening a favorite book in his head as he reminisced the Nagano trip, filming the exact scenes he saw in the short film and what went behind them off-camera. He remembered the light wind and hearing the rustle of the yellowing trees, the twittering birds and the crunch of the dried leaves. Akihiko could still hear Yatake's voice as he directed the staff during filming, Yayoi's footsteps on the cobblestone paths when she walked, Nao and Michiru's cute singing voices, Maki and Tetsu's endless puns and jokes that were usually followed by Shinobu's cackling laughter. They were wonderful sounds to Akihiko's ears, taking him round after round in a carousel of nostalgia, then feeling it come to an abrupt halt when he realized he was in a completely different place.

"No problem," Haruki smiled, his voice sweet as a lullaby that could put the moon to sleep. "But it was really all from you. _You_ went on that trip, and at some point, I got worried but Take-chan told me you were playing so well."

Akihiko's hands balled into fists in his pockets, hearing Haruki praising him again even though he wanted it to be the opposite. They were walking side by side now along the quiet pathway without a single passer-by in sight, his phone had been vibrating a lot ever since the end of Yatake's short film, but the younger man didn't want to let the private moment go to waste.

"The work was tedious, everything had a schedule, but I could see you there. I saw a glimpse of your other life, the other Haruki aside from being a bassist of an indie rock band. And I will never exchange that for not having gone in the first place."

He saw his boyfriend falter a bit in his periphery and mentally gave himself a winning point.

"Then so many things happened after, like signing up for the audition, our band got a new gig, you didn't dump me at the fair, you discovered my sappy gift, I was enjoying your movie in the apartment while you were sleeping… and this morning they told me I got first chair—" he paused when Haruki suddenly froze in his stride.

"EHH! Akihiko?!"

The taller man replied with a derpy stare and a blink. "Yup."

"You… got the part… you did it," Haruki spoke as if trying to decode a cryptic message to himself. "Oookay, oh wow. Wow! WOOOW. AND THIS IS JUST TODAY? Haaaah, I can't even… my heart feels like it's about to burst youhavenoidea!" he squeaked, controlling his voice in the silence of the park.

Akihiko nearly wanted to record Haruki on video with his phone, cherishing his boyfriend's flustered reaction to the breaking news.

"You're the first one to know this time," he admitted shyly, remembering his minor slip-up with the audition. "I was supposed to tell you first thing tomorrow morning but this is close enough."

"New people will see how great you are with your violin! Akihiko, this is amazing! You're A-MA-ZING!" Haruki gave him teasing slaps on the shoulder. The wide smile and bright tone of his voice wrung the younger man's heart, pushing all the blood to rush to his neck, cheeks, and ears. It was a good thing the lamp posts weren't too bright and the evening shadows helped cloak Akihiko's completely flushed face, still at a loss of why was the world was being too generous to him for the entire day.

"I want you there," he finally said, facing Haruki with an intent gaze. The accumulating happiness of one rewarding event after another was getting too ridiculous to process for his mind, and all he could think about was how he wanted to give something _back._

Whether it was a blessing from the stars or a whisper in the wind, the music student found new self-belief not to hide anymore, ready to open the floodgates and let his passion flow. He wanted to entrance Haruki in a special performance, to stir his boyfriend's heart playing as first chair violin, make his loved one see his vibrant hues on stage just like viewing autumn trees at the peak of their colors.

"I want you to hear it," Akihiko held down the growing lump in his throat. "It's still sinking in, but it's going to get real when rehearsals begin next week. You are going to have the best seat for that concerto. Plus Mafuyu and Ue if they want to. Or bring Take-san and Yayoi, I don't mind. As long as you're there—"

A gust of cold wind took both men by surprise, swaying the tree branches and showering them in a blizzard of half-golden leaves. Akihiko felt goosebumps at the back of his neck from the sudden chill, wishing he had grabbed a muffler before he went out that late afternoon. But just when the music student was about to rant, his boyfriend had already pulled off his own scarf to place it around the other's neck.

"Yes yes, I hear you. Now put this on fist," Haruki's hair swayed as he fondly shook his head, bringing his face a mere forearm's length from Akihiko's. "I'm not allowing you to get sick after hearing all that."

The taller man could practically trace the line of his boyfriend's upper lip with his eyes, noting they were shaped in a naturally rounded Cupid's bow. They were also mildly chapped from the evening weather, luring him to draw his own lips closer and give it warmth.

Akihiko's heart started throbbing loudly in his ears, similar to hitting a bass drum in frantic beats. Meanwhile, the chilly air was happily teasing him as if it had invisible hands subtly pushing him to lean toward the other man's body. He could count the ginkgo leaves on Haruki's head if he wanted to as an excuse, but Akihiko didn't want to hold back any further. Before Haruki could say another word, Akihiko just closed his eyes, eased his face forward and gave the rest to the universe.

If there was really a heavenly place in the living world, Akihiko was a million times sure he was standing inside that realm at present. Feeling the plushness of Haruki's lips pressed against his own was akin to pressing his mouth to a flower petal, velvety soft but with a crave-worthy heat that Akihiko wanted to relish over and over.

He felt Haruki stiffen, noting the other man had paused breathing. Akihiko didn't even know if it was okay but he was already half-way slipping off to paradise, nearly letting all his desires overwhelm him. He pressed a little deeper, actually _waiting_ for his boyfriend to push him away but his world turned upside-down when he felt _Haruki_ push his own mouth against his' in return. In his dazed head, Akihiko was smashing beer cans with a baseball bat, making soda fountains with Mentos, lighting up leftover New Year's Day fireworks on top of a hill as his senses overflowed with pure unrestrained euphoria.

Placing his hands around the other's waist, Akihiko hugged Haruki closer to his chest while the other man wrapped his arms eagerly around the taller man's neck. The feel of his boyfriend's body in his arms reminded him of his confession back in spring when the pink-white cherry blossoms were falling, but now all around them were fluttering leaves of gold. Akihiko wanted to savor every second of that night, feeling greed take over him, eventually slipping his tongue into the other's mouth. He tasted a subtle sweetness, as rewarding as the tiny moan from his loved one's throat, telling himself this was way better than his morning dream.

Then he realized they were being exceptionally intimate in public, breaking the kiss before he (or both of them) got too carried away. He looked at Haruki who was also panting with adorably flushed cheeks, letting them get their bearings after landing themselves back to Earth.

"You didn't stop?"

Akihiko wasn't sure if it was even a real question, still high from their moment of bliss.

"I know, I know. Anyone could've walked by," Haruki replied in embarrassment, but Akihiko noticed there was a small tug at his lips. "But just take it as a little present? I thought I'd try being selfish for once."

The world suddenly stopped spinning for a couple of seconds as Akihiko heard his boyfriend's words. But then Haruki just looked at him with a satisfied face as if he had won a bet and wrapped his arms comfortingly around his partner like claiming his prize. The younger man was still speechless, letting Haruki's embrace awaken his senses while trying to ignore the growing itch at the corner of his eyes. Akihiko could smell the floral scent of his boyfriend's hair, feel their heartbeats synchronizing in their chests, the combined warmth of their bodies was a campfire in a forest of autumn trees. Then his left ear felt something soft press against it, realizing Haruki gave it a gentle kiss, then the man moved to his right ear and did the same thing.

Akihiko's vision was getting blurry, his surroundings similar to a splash painting of colors and lights. He tried to meet Haruki's eyes while blinking back his tears but knew there was a fond smile gracing his boyfriend's lips. Some leaves were still falling around them but Akihiko was seeing a different world; he was standing in a snow globe of cherry blossoms, catching a whiff of sweet flowers, new beginnings, and an earnest love in tow.

There was yellow confetti sprinkled on Haruki's hair, as though there was a celebration his taller partner wasn't aware of. The quiet lamp posts looked akin to candles on a cake, some flickering stars above them were similar to party lights, the rustling trees in the park surrounded them with cheerful applause.

Haruki wiped a thumb at a corner of Akihiko's eye and gave a light chuckle, watching all the tears finally stream down his boyfriend's face as he said three words that sounded like a perfectly strummed note. 

"Happy Birthday, Akihiko."

***

It was a normal evening in Tokyo, the night of the Zenith Short Film Festival on the 21st of October. The air picked up colder winds as the days inched towards the end of the year, the trees turned sidewalks into carpets of warm hues from their fallen leaves. Shops were decorating their storefronts in Halloween-themed décor, while people bustled through the streets in scarves and jackets under a half-moon in the ink-black sky.

To any person that night, the spirit of autumn was already in full swing. It was the season known for colorful changes and wild ideas, especially for violin student Kaji Akihiko, whose music-filled heart was basking in the days of spring.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire idea for this started from the AkiYayoi front illustration in code 5. It was a self-amusing fantasy of the two as a flawless model couple on-camera with TakeHaru as their no.1 bitter supporters in a hilarious way.  
One whim and a month later, it had grown into this story unfolding during the season itself and here we are. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading~


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